Nixpix

11/3/2011 Place Dark Thoughts Here, and Go Work on a Cruise Ship

2011-11-03T10:48:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I'm having some serious anxiety
about leaving to work on the cruise ship tomorrow.
My latest worry is that the ship will sink.
When I told my hairdresser that yesterday she said,
"Why would you think that?"
To which I replied,
"Ever heard of the Titanic?"
She just laughed.
She has the nicest laugh of anyone I ever met
and said, "What would you being doing if you don't go?"
I told her fairly honestly that I would be moping
around the house in my pajamas all day
trying to figure out what my defect is
that I can't get hired as a full time teacher.
She told me that if that is the case,
I have to go.
So I'm going.
It is harder this time because after
being away from home sixty days last spring,
I really began to miss my husband and kids
and now I like them again.
Not enough to stay home
and freeze to death and
mope around depressed.
I'm not much of a wife and mother
when I'm jobless and depressed.
I'm mean and cranky and no good to anyone.
So, off I go!

9/22/2011 The Tacoma Washington Teacher's Strike

2011-09-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
Thank God you are here.
So dependable.
I've reapplied to work on a cruise ship for
November and December down in the Caribbean.
I'll work ten hours a day, seven days a week
for $5.00 an hour.
The youth staff on cruise ships do a bit more recreation
than education and it is very fun.
Because I love to teach and want to use my UW degree.
Yes, I could make more at McDonalds.
But my passion is teaching.
Don't the Tacoma teachers know that for
every teaching job in Washington State
there are 300 applicants?
When the economy went bust,
thousands of people from private industry
came over to look for more secure jobs
and flooded the market.
I can't cross a picket line
but I looked at the school district website
out of curiosity and they had so many applicants
the whole system had crashed. Okay, I'm done ranting.

9/20/2011 The Suicide of Tom Marsten

2011-09-20T08:27:00.000-07:00

Oh God Mr. Blog,
I've just about had it.
Jobless depression drags on,
intensified by finding out about
my friend Tom Marsten's suicide.
I was out working on the cruise ship
when it happened and only found out last week.
He was jobless, broke
and couldn't cope.
Having a teenager made it harder
for him and he met his limit.
I have been severely depressed since I found out.
I liked Tom Marsten.
He tried really hard to be a good dad to Alex.
Alex started scouting with me when he was six
and Tom did the best he could to get him to meetings
and sign him up for camp.
Tom was a quiet man.
Friendly and unassuming.
I liked seeing him around town.
At the grocery store.
At Rite Aid.
The last time I saw him was at Safeway last winter.
I gave him a hug and greeted Alex.
Alex had died his beautiful blond hair black
and Tom asked what I thought of it.
I told him Alex was a fine young man
and was growing up.
Tom rolled his eyes and we laughed together
standing in front of that little movie rack
across from the tiny Starbucks stand.
I just want to say
that I liked Tom.
That I will miss seeing him around town.
That I am sorry we won't get to grow old together.

9/2/2011 Jobless, Jobless, Jobless

2011-09-01T23:40:00.000-07:00

Ugh Mr. Blog,
I have the worst insomnia ever.
I checked the AESOP job site all day long
for tomorrow.
Nothing, nothing, nothing...
I just can't stand it.
What a waste of time and money college was.
Age discrimination is illegal but
there is no way to prove it.
I'm so depressed.
I'm so depressed.
I'm so depressed.

9/1/2011 The First Day of School for Troy and Teddy

2011-09-01T15:33:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
Everyone got up and out for the first day of school.
I still can't believe Troy is a senior in high school.
Seems like I just cranked him out a minute ago!
And Teddy.
Oh my God that little rascal towers over me
at six feet tall.
He is in ninth grade at Kenmore Junior High
but they moved the foreign language program
to the high school so they go up there for
their first period classes and then bussed down
to the junior high.
Probably fun for the kids.
Sound tiring to me!
So, Troy DROVE his baby brother to school!
That cutes me out something fierce
to have them driving to school together.
Seems like two seconds ago they were in
kindergarten and second grade
standing on our front porch for their
first day of school pictures.
They were so tiny that our 7801 house number was
a foot over their dear little heads.
Now it is at their waist level.
Funny funny as Brenda would say.
I haven't seen Troy yet to find out if he
likes his schedule for his last year
at high school.
I just hope he has all the required classes taken.
When I picked up Teddy to drive the football pool
from Kenmore Junior High the parking lot scene
was a big fiasco.
More construction up there as usual.
He was busy putting his pads in his football pants
and didn't want to talk about
his first day of school anyway.
It was one of those end of summer sunny days
with the nip skippy air that makes you
see your breath.
Michelle Moyes came out for lunch and said
it was down to forty-seven degrees this morning.
Brrr.
So, Troy is finishing high school this year.
And on to bigger and better things.
Hopefully including moving out
since he is so darn contrary.
Little rascal was born
marching to the beat of his own drummer
that's for sure!

8/31/2011 The Little Girl That Got Locked Out

2011-08-31T08:51:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
The black hole of jobless depression
has swallowed me whole.
So, I'm thinking about a little girl
that I ran into at the football luau.
Only she is not so little anymore.
Almost tall as me.
They moved away last year to
a different part of Kenmore.
So, how do I know her?
She is the little sister of a football player
that Teddy is playing football with.
For five years,
when she got locked out,
she came to my house.
She knew me because I had been
her substitute teacher.
She was just a little scrap of a thing
the first time she got locked out.
Thin little blond with
a frightened look on her face
with no where to go.
I called her mom and told her where she was.
Single working mom, like what I had.
Then I gave her a snack
and had her get out her
homework
and sit at my dining room table
and tell me whatever was
on her little mind.
I pretended she was my daughter
because you know what Mr. Blog?
Little girls ARE sugar and spice
and everything nice.
So, after she finished her homework
we'd sit on the couch and watch TV.
Those young people shows
like "The Suite Life of Josh and Zack"
or "Hannah Montana."
Then around six her mom would get home
and she'd go home.

8/30/2011 Gagging on a Bitter Pill

2011-08-30T21:18:00.000-07:00

Ugh Mr. Blog.
Tomorrow is the first day of school for the younger kids.
I stared holes through my phone
hoping for a job today.
It's a bitter pill to swallow
that I didn't get hired for the eighth year
in a row.
Substitute, schmubstitute.
That's all I have to say.

8/27/2011 The Inglemoor High School Football Team Luau

2011-08-28T08:33:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
Boy am I tired.
Big day yesterday.
First I face painted for the delightful
Stacy Denuski at Kenmore Fun Day
and then I worked the Luau up at the high school.
I love being a follower and not a leader sometimes!
Working at the Inglemoor High School Luau last night was so fun!
I mostly made punch by the vat with a 3' wire whip.
I can't believe Dianna Tupou and Traci Edlin MADE food for 650 people!
They are like the dynamic duo of Kenmore for sure!
They even trained some of the football players to dance the hula.
Teddy nearly had eye-strain seeing the hula dancing IHS cheerleaders.
The football players had to serve the food and they kept coming to the kitchen for carts of food to serve. Turns out lots of the juniors were in Jake Comb's fifth grade class when I was her long term sub six years ago and I knew them all. Only now they are all six feet tall! They were the food delivery team and I let them eat the broken pieces of cake and they were so happy. The team had to eat last so when the cook and I wheeled out the last giant cake cart, we nearly got mobbed trying to roll through the team to the food tables! Those football players sure put down the chow! I was glad Troy came up with Terry since he was in kindergarten with Niko Tupou and Quinn Edlin and knows most of the team. I'm so happy it was a sunny day and about the most gorgeous evening that God ever made.

8/25/2011 No Job, Great Hair

2011-08-25T09:26:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I know I always come in
and gush about my hairdresser
and you know what?
She is something to gush about.
Janet and I have been together since 2002.
Back when she was across the street at Genisis
with Kevin, behind Curves.
She has the warmth and compassion
of a mom, sister, daughter, grandmother and cousin
all rolled into one.
I would be NOTHING without her.
She was so funny yesterday.
After I got done complaining about no interviews,
I asked for some hairdresser juju.
She was putting that coconut dressing in my hair
after the frosting and cut
and she rubbed it into my head and mumbled
all these chants for a job for me!
She gives hope when I can't go on.
Plus, having great hair makes me
get out of bed.
Like, if there was a miracle
and I got a job,
I'd look good.
You know what I mean?

Staring At The Phone

2011-08-22T21:51:00.000-07:00

Well,
Another day down
of
staring at the phone.
I was so sure I'd get a call today too.
Doesn't Monday seem like a good day to hire someone
if you were in a hiring mood?
No call.

8/19/2011 Dream Job and Dream

2011-08-19T17:15:00.000-07:00

Well my dream job popped up yesterday Mr. Blog.
A reading room teacher job.
They are as rare as a goldfinch on a maple tree.
After I applied for it
I indulged myself in the fantasies
of having my dream job.
Helping young struggling readers
with their skills
is my biggest passion of my life.
I couldn't wait to learn to read as a child.
I'd beg my sister Pam to read to me.
She must have read, "The Blueberry Pie Elf"
to me a hundred times.
I was so thrilled in first grade in 1962
to get my hot little hands on
"Dick and Jane."
So I have hope
at least for awhile.
Right before I woke up I had a dream.
I was at Kalaloch and the sun was just getting high
around ten in the morning
with that rich intensity of late summer.
I was wading out into
gently lapping waves
up to my knees.
The sand was silky on my feet
and the water was chilly,
but I was expecting something.
I looked down and saw something white in the water.
It was a laminated index card.
I plucked it from the water
and in my own handwriting,
in large print by Sharpie,
were the words,
"This is The One."
I knew the words meant that I had been picked for that job.
That, "The One" was the job I had longed for.
Now the funny thing about all this is the fact
that the odds that I get picked
are about one out of one hundred.
Also, I have now been passed over for close
to one thousand teaching jobs
so why would this be different?
It was just such a strong feeling
when I woke up.

8/14/2011 You Get What You Git and You Don't Throw a Fit

2011-08-14T12:03:00.000-07:00

Well Mr. Blog,
It is one of those days when I have to concentrate
on my mantra that I learned from the other
youth counselors on the cruise ship.
"You get what you git and you don't throw a fit."
I think it was Scuba or Alli-gator
that said it.
Maybe Goldfish or Marbles.
I'm not sure but I had never hear it before.
It is like the best life mantra I
have ever heard.
I remember some newspaper columnist or
maybe my mom telling me
that temper tantrums were only
cute on a two year old.
I'm thinking about acceptance because
Terry told me he was taking Troy camping
for two days and based on that I invited my
scout camp pal Kathleen to visit for a few days
of girl time.
Then when he gets up he tells me he thinks he
got ghiradia from when he was camping a month
ago and thinks he'll stay home.
I can cope with this.
I can accept it.
I already told the kids that she was coming
and we wanted to watch chick flicks the next two nights.
It took me an hour to shift gears.
Pam and Brenda talked to me on the phone
and gave me encouragement and advice.
The basis from both was, "Do the best you can
and accept whatever the guys decide
and work around it."
So, that is what I'm doing.
Cleaning my room and house
and looking forward to some girl time.
Doing the best I can.

8/11/2011 Hope For Teaching Job

2011-08-11T09:48:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I'm having a pretty high level of
hope for a teaching job right now.
About a dozen jobs have popped up on websites this week.
Seems odd since school starts here in two weeks.
The teachers go back a week before the kids
to get everything ready for the new year.
I can't figure out if more teachers
retired at the last minute
or if more students enrolled at the last minute.
Two of my 2003 UW teaching class got hired the
first week of October when the enrollments
popped up after school had been in session a month.
Boy were they ever scrambling to get set up with
a few day's notice!
So, I'm full of hope.
Did I tell you I applied for a teaching job in
Abu Dhabi?
A cruise ship friend of mine turned me onto the company
that hired her to teach there called Teach Away.
I did get as far as an interview but didn't get
picked for the final interview.
I really didn't want to be that far from Terry
and the kids.
I like them so much better
after being away on the cruise ship for two months!
I did fill out the forms to work on
The Pride of America ship for
Thanksgiving and Christmas so
at least I have a bit of steady work lined up
if I don't get a teaching job this fall.
It's hard not to daydream about having my own classroom.
Shining little faces looking up at me all day.
Thinking hard all day and night about how to
get the curriculum inside and sticking to
their dear little brains.
My own chair to drape a sweater on.
Creating the most welcoming
classroom in the entire world.
No one can take my hope away.
It will just keep living inside me.
Making me get out of bed every morning.

7/1/2011 Squashed Like a Bug, Again and Again and Again

2011-07-01T08:16:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
Oh how I missed you!
We had the best time on San Juan Island
and you would not believe
what happened!
Terry and I went to Lime Kiln Park one morning
and it was a bit cloudy and there were about a dozen
of us waiting for the orcas.
I climbed down on the rocks next to the water
and a few minutes later the pod went past.
Most of the thirty whales were about fifty feet from the shoreline
and two big males breached below the rock wall.
They are such show offs!
Anyway, three females came into the kelp beds
and were slowly twirling the kelp vines around themselves.
There was a big mommy in the middle and she had a smaller daughter
on each side and they were doing that side-by-side
formation swimming that they do.
They passed right under my feet and as they went by
the mommy did a slow rotation so her shiny white tummy was up
as she went by.
I could have reached down and scratched her tummy for her.
They were less than ten feet away from me!
By far the most exciting moment of my life.
Beats out anything that has ever happened to me.
Right above Continental Airlines hiring me in 1987.
That was THE most exciting moment before this week
and having orcas under my feet!
It was an excellent vacation.
Teddy and his friend Christian behaved well
and Terry went canoeing with me to the other side of
False Bay. I had been wanting to do that for seventeen years!
Terry treats me much differently since I left two months
to work on the cruise ship.
He listens to me and does a few things with me that
he would have never done before.
Like canoeing across the bay and playing Jenga with me.
God I love that man!
So we get home from San Juan Island yesterday
and before we start unloading the van
I grabbed the mail out of the box
and my heart just stopsped
when I saw the letter from the
King County Library.
I was so hopeful all week
and when I opened it I felt
squashed like a bug.
I was so sure that seven years of subbing in
school libraries and a teaching degree
would make me a shoo-in for an
entry level job!
Ugh.
So now I think I could be the most rejected job seeker in America
and I can see why some people give up and go on welfare.
But, I may be a lot of terrible things Mr. Blog,
but I am NOT a quitter.
So, I'll just mourn not getting the job
for a day or two
and pick up the pieces
and go on.
Because
that's what I do best.

6/25/2011 Don't Call Us, We'll Call You

2011-06-25T08:24:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
What a long week!
I have been totally on edge waiting
for the library to call about the job.
It's one of those,
"Don't call us, we'll call you situations."
You'd think I'd be used to it!
When I was applying for flight attendant jobs
I was turned down over thirty times over five years
and only half the time would I even get letters
at all turning me down.
The rest of the time I spent wondering.
Wondering, wondering, wondering.
Job? No job. Job? No job. Job?
Job.
I did get that job.
I could still get a teaching job.
Three friends from my UW teaching class got hired
for last minute jobs in October
when the numbers popped up.
So, I'm always hopeful until November 1st.
No one has ever been hired after that late in
the new school year.
So, I need to focus on
doing what Mr. Rogers says.
Put one foot in front of the other.
Soon I'll be going out the door
to a job.
But the wait is killing me!

6/3/2011 You Don't Have to Like It, You Just Have to Do IT

2011-06-23T10:23:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
Well, I have a pretty long list of things I
don't want to do today.
But you know what Brenda
always says?
"YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIKE IT
YOU JUST HAVE TO DO IT."
When she was working at University Village QFC
as a courtesy clerk
she had to run the floor buffing machine one night
and was whining to a coworker
and that was what the kids said to her.
It is my mantra
for my last twenty-four years of life.
So I'm doing lots of things I don't want to do this morning.
My Jane Fonda tape,
My substitute school teacher renewal forms,
My thank you notes to principals and teachers
I worked for this year and
that's about it.
This week I applied for a job at the library
and for a job with King County.
Community Service Officer.
If God would bless me with that job
I'd probably fall over dead
from shock.
I was designed to serve people.
I don't know how
or why,
I just was.
But, when you are competing for jobs
against 13 million people,
you have to be realistic
and not let your fantasies
get too out of control.
So, I'm going to say it over and over and over.
I DON'T HAVE TO LIKE IT
I JUST HAVE TO DO IT.

6/18/2011 The X-Box Has Left the Building

2011-06-18T08:29:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
you know that most moms
hate violent video games.
I'm one of them.
But,
there is one huge advantage to having kids
addicted to video games.
Like, I can remove the game machine
and my whole house will be spotless in under an hour.
My sons are big and strong and fast.
By the end of the week
I usually have six loads of clean laundry.
Their basket is as tall as me
and I can't even lift it.
But they sure can!
And, I insist they fold everything neatly
and put it in their drawers neatly.
And I check before I tell them where I hid their machine.
Because until their chores are done,
the X-Box has left the building
and it ain't comin' back!

6/16/2011 Football Mom or The Motherhood Payscale Stinks

2011-06-17T08:16:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I woke up thinking that
the pay-scale for motherhood stinks.
I have shopping, cooking and then
Teddy's first football game.
Something called a scrimmage.
I'm guessing it is like scrabble
only on your feet with a ball.
I've never been a football fan
because it is too violent for me,
but I'd better get over that by five
since I'm taking him up to Pop Keeney
field to get possibly
maimed for life or
killed.
Just gotta do what a mom's gotta do.

6/16/2011 Keeping a Positive Attitude When Job Hunting or Advantages of Being a Librarian Over Teacher

2011-06-16T08:30:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
It's tough keeping a positive attitude
when job hunting,
but I'm trying.
So I have been trying to come up with the advantages of
working at the public library
over teaching in a classroom
and here is what I've come up with:
1 It's close to my house and I could ride my bike to work
2 It's a pretty new building with lots of windows
3 It had so many windows it would be like being outside
only warm inside
4 It is less noisy than a school
5 I might be able use my teaching skills from being a sub seven years
at the library. Like teaching ESL, leading literacy circles for kids,
teaching computer skills, leading reading clubs.
Things like that.
I'm trying to ignore the heartbreak
of not being hired as a teacher
even though you can see my tears.
I'm going to relish having a J-O-B
and work as hard as I can
because upon reflection,
it is a good fit for my lifetime goal.
I can probably spread more cheer to more people
and help more people find success as a librarian
than I ever could as a classroom teacher.
Right?

6/14/2011 Yo Yo Girls

2011-06-14T17:52:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I'm so happy!
I just got requested to
work at Brookside elementary tomorrow.
I love that school.
The staff has always been so nice to me.
After a day of feeling up and down and up and down,
it's nice to end the day on an up.
Brenda calls us the yo-yo girls.
When I found out my UW librarian endorsement
was going to cost $11,000.00
I nearly died.
Masters degree is double that.
It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't still paying on
my last student loan,
but I am.
I'm going to take my first class online
fall quarter and then finish the following year.
Unless God gives me a miracle.
And I get called for a teaching job.
Then I'm going to be the most dedicated
teacher in history.
Or try to be.

6/14/2011 Get A New Dream

2011-06-14T15:52:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I drove past the new library a few days ago
and saw the grand opening sign.
On a hunch
I went to the King County Library website
and saw they are hiring four people.
Entry level page positions.
I got my application in the next day.
It's a darn bitter pill
to swallow
and I'm trying not to
choke on it.
But the truth is
Mr. Blog,
that this concludes my
seventh year as a substitute teacher
and I didn't get picked again.
So I
gotta get a new dream.
Librarian.
Gatekeeper
of the books.
Noble job.
But it's tough to give up on teaching.
Once you see the lightbulb go off
in a child's eyes,
there is no longer
anything better.
But the world keeps on spinning
and the bills keep piling up
and I have to go down a new road.
I can see the dust and potholes ahead
but as I trudge down
that muddy road
I'll know I tried my hardest.
I did everything I could
and it just wasn't enough.

6/11/2011 When an Orange is a Homemade Taco

2011-06-11T19:53:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
Boy was that ever tough.
Pretending my orange was a homemade taco.
Yikes!
Nothing like roaming around
a house hungry and lonely
to pack it on.
So I'm back to calorie counting
and eating dinner at lunchtime.
That means my orange for dinner
has to be: pizza, tacos, lasagna, grilled cheese sandwiches
and anything else Terry and the kids have to eat.
Thank God I have
a
really
really
really good
imagination!

6/9/2011 The Best Sub Day Ever

2011-06-09T21:16:00.001-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I had such a terrific day.
The best sub day ever.
The fourth graders in my class were just adorable.
And they worked so hard for me!
We just clicked.
You know what I mean?
I led a writing assignment
to both classes
then lunch.
Next they built circuits together
to test different materials for conductivity.
We celebrated a birthday with home made cupcakes
and I put on the radio
and filled cups with water
and we had a right little party.
To top it off
we ended the day with an assembly
and the fifth and six graders
played all kinds of classical
and pop music
including a White Stripes song
and Louie Louie.
And there he was.
My young friend Shane.
I hadn't seen him since he was in third grade
and there he was,
a tall, healthy sixth grader.
I was so proud of him I could have burst.
He was the best violinist in the group!
I would have paid them
to work there that day.
It was just that good.

6/8/2011 Unwanted

2011-06-08T16:48:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I feel so unwanted today.
Like no one will ever hire me for a teaching job.
This concludes my seventh year
as a substitute for Shoreline school district
and sixth for Northshore school district.
I just wish I knew what my defect was
so I could fix it.
You know what I mean?
I've never been late or absent.
Five years of college
and no job.

6/4/2011 Thirteen Million People Out of Work?

2011-06-04T11:19:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
When I was driving home from work
yesterday I was listening to
The Ron and Don show
on FM 97.3
and the national news came on
and announced that
thirteen million people are out of work.
That can't be right!
No wonder I can't get a job.
I'm competing
against 2,999,999
people for work!
So, it is a sunny day
and I'm meeting my friend
Alice Eiford for lunch.
I just adore her.
I feel optimistic
like a principal
somewhere
will throw me
a bone
for a job
for next year.

6/4/2011 That's Why They Call It Work

2011-06-04T10:55:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I had a bad day at work yesterday
and felt bad and hopeless
when I left
but you know what?
That's why it is called work.
If it was always fun
they would call it fun.
Normally
I am so excited after teaching
that I float around all night.
Do you know what the best thing about teaching is for me?
How much I learn.
I have more obscure knowledge
after subbing seven years than you could shake a stick at.
I also get thirsty to learn more.
Like right now I'm reading one of the best
series of books
I've ever read.
They are by Colin Cotteril
and the first one was called,
"The Coroner's Lunch."
A UW history professor
that heard me muttering to myself
at Third Place Books
a few months ago
suggested it to me.
I bought it on his advice
and forgot I had it
until I got off the cruise ship
and saw it on my headboard.
Now I was pretty sure
that a story about a seventy-two year old
Laotian communist man
would have no interest for me
but I was wrong
wrong wrong.
I have now read the four subsequent books
and I'm happy as a clam.
What I think about a lot as a teacher
is how to turn on every child's brain.
How to instill the self-motivation
to be hungry for knowledge.
How to be a person
in a desert that
sees a book and water
and chooses the book.
So out of seven years as a substitute
I have only had one or two days
that I felt like I worked.
The other days felt like
I was in heaven
only I was getting paid for it!

6/2/2011 Hope, Hope, Hoping for a Job

2011-06-02T11:55:00.000-07:00

Hiya Mr. Blog,
I am hope, hope, hoping for a job
again.
Slim hope for Northshore school district for next year.
Their websites show only seven teachers retiring
and they'll get at least three hundred applicants.
But you know what?
I've really enjoyed subbing at some new schools
this year.
Parkwood is cuter than cute
and tomorrow I'm going to Echo Lake.
My Woodbadge friend Brett went there.
It is so funny that when you click on the school website
that it looks
identical to Kenmore Elementary!
I'm NOT exaggerating.
Dollars to doughnuts
they used the same builder or remodeler.
So I'm off to pick up my portfolio at Canyon Creek
and then I'm going to drop it off personally
at the Northshore School District headquarters.
Good teachers are good teachers
no matter how you slice them.

6/1/2011 Coffee is my God

2011-06-01T08:37:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
How are you today?
Did I ever wake up on the wrong side of the bed!
Hahaha.
I'm all better after my coffee.
Coffee is my God.
Just kidding.
God is my God.
Last weekend I decided
that I didn't believe in God anymore.
That lasted about one day.
I do believe in God.
I mean,
how else could a Lily of the Valley
smell so good?
So, anyway,
you know what a hateful mood I was in last weekend.
Subbing in 6th grade was just so awesome
that I decided that
if there was a God
he would have given me a teaching job by now.
I know that sounds ridiculous.
But, hey,
ridiculous is my middle name.
So I had my coffee
and put on my thinking cap.
Remember JP's thinking cap?
I don't either
but I think that's where I remember that from.
So I did what I do best.
I made a plan.
Constant vigilance.
That's what Mad-Eye Moody and I always say.
I printed up a batch of new resumes and cover letters
and I'll be passing those out Thursday and Friday.
And for today?
Coffee with Angela
then a trip to see my hairdresser.
I know I go on and on about my hairdresser.
But there is a secret bond
between a woman and her hairdresser.
So, what is the best thing about Seattle?
Coffee on a rainy day
then a trip to the hairdresser.

5/30/2011 Feeling Buoyant

2011-05-30T10:30:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
Wow was I in a dark place yesterday.
So dark that it is shocking today is the
exact opposite.
Isn't it funny how people are?
Brenda calls us Yo-Yo girls
because we change so fast.
Having those outstanding days subbing
in 6th grade caught up with me.
I love teaching
and I can get so hateful
that I can't get hired.
But you know what?
Today I just don't care!
I'm so excited!
I'm going to clean around the pool
and yard.
I feel so thrilled.
Perfect health.
I mean seriously,
what
else
matters?

5/29/2011 Shutting My Lips to Haterade

2011-05-29T17:36:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
It's so easy to fall into the trap.
The hate trap.
You know the one I'm talking about.
You're in a jungle
trapped in an earthen pit
with your arms at your sides
and you're dying of thirst
and the enemy
is standing over you
with a big half gallon jug of
Haterade.
And your so thirsty you
could cry
or tear your hair out.
And you can see the dark red color
and hear the sound of ice cubes
bumping the sides of the pitcher.
And you just want to open your mouth wide
and gulp, gulp, gulp it down.
But you know
you'd feel worse
and sad
and dirty.
So you press your lips together
as tight as you can.

5/28/2011 Subbing in 6th Grade and Loving It

2011-05-28T09:40:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I had the strangest thing happen Friday.
I was subbing in sixth grade at Parkwood elementary
for the Language Arts teacher,
and when I opened her teacher's manual
guess what I was going to teach?
Roman history!
I was so excited.
I love teaching the classics.
I was president of the Junior Classical League
in 1975 at Roosevelt High School.
Miss Engle used to go on and on about Roman history
and she'd get all excited.
She looked a like a robin with a juicy worm
the way she'd dance around the room with delight.
So, anyway,
that is not what is strange about teaching that particular lesson.
What is strange,
is that I taught the preceding Greek lesson
the last time I subbed
from the Houghton Mifflin text book
two weeks ago at Canyon Creek elementary!
Of course,
being superstitious and all,
I took it as a sign.
A sign that I'll get
a full time teaching job
this fall.
I know, I know,
it is irrational and silly.
But maybe there is a principal somewhere
that will see my seven years of loyal substitute service
and decide to give me a break.

5/27/2011 How to Raise Siblings That Are Best Friends

2011-05-27T14:50:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
Wow it is so quiet.
Teddy and Troy just jumped on the bus
to go to downtown Seattle to the Folk Life Festival.
I asked Troy if I could go with them but he said no.
I'm just so thrilled they went together.
And probably Car too.
Safety in numbers and all that.
I know usually I come to you with everything
I've done wrong
but today I want to tell you about one of the
few things that I did right.
I tortured my son.
AND myself.
When Teddy was born
Troy was two and a half.
After we got Teddy in the house,
Troy was furious.
He shouted at me,
"Take it back!"
He had such perfect elocution
even as a toddler if you can believe that.
He hated Teddy
and I can see why.
Here I was thinking Troy was the cutest
little blue-eyed blond baby in history,
and dying for another one exactly the same,
when Teddy showed up.
I nearly died
in the hospital
from love
when I looked in his little eyes.
My eyes.
My mom's eyes.
My grandmother's eyes.
So it would be darn tough not to love him too much.
I knew by then that I was close to ruining Troy
by loving him too much.
My Auntie Jean warned me.
She said she and Uncle Frank did it with my cousin Carolyn.
So once I got over the shock of having two babies
I knew I had one long row to hoe.
My nickname growing up was Stupid.
Or Tag-a-Long.
I was the most annoying little sister in the world.
Still am.
Can't help it.
But I just couldn't stand the thought of my sons being enemies.
I know some adult brothers that are.
So, for the next six years I fought the exhaustion
and put Troy in time out
whenever he popped Teddy upside the head
or called him a name.
I think Troy spent 90%
of his childhood in time out
and I nearly had a nervous breakdown.
But you know what Mr. Blog?
IT WAS WORTH IT.
Even if I'm a tired old-choker mom
with teenagers under my feet all the time.
I would have done the same thing if I had to do it again.

5/24/2011 When Things Go Well, They Go Very Very Well

2011-05-24T15:40:00.000-07:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
What a difference a good night's sleep makes!
I zipped right on up to Lake City Walgrens
and picked up my ship pics
and a dandy album to put them in
and I was off to Inglemoor High school.
I was early and who walks up to to me
but Troy.
Hahaha. He works in the office last period.
He said hi and told me where the restrooms are.
What a cute kid.
I dropped off his yearbook check
and went to the activities center to
pick up football forms for Teddy and his pal Michael.
The football coach, Frank Nash is also Troy's math teacher
so we had a brief pow wow about that, football and
the state of the economy.
Troy's counselor, Julie Barrett,
worth her weight in gold!
We reviewed his current grades
and talked about college programs
and looked at what he signed up for
for his senior year of high school.
It just seems impossible that he'll finish
high school next year.
She did her magic to make sure
his classes will fill his graduation requirements
AND classes he will like too.
Like team sports and videography.
Videography will fulfill his occupational education
requirement and lead into a neat
new video degree over at Shoreline community college.
I'd like him to go straight up to Western
but Terry is balking at the price tag.
Motherhood is so complex on so many levels
and I usually think I'm flunking.
But not today.
Today I spent the day making sure
my kid, my sweetie, my departed mom's Golden Boy,
got all the classes he needs next year.
And classes that will be fun.
Because you only get to be a senior
in high school one time.

5/21/2011 Parental Panic

2011-05-21T22:55:00.000-07:00

Oh Mr. Blog,
Troy got a packet in the mail yesterday.
It was full of postcards
from all the colleges in the state.
I'm worried sick about him.
I was supposed to have this
good-paying teaching job since I
finished at the University of Washington
in 2003 and it did not materialize.
I've subbed everywhere under the sun
but that is never full time work.
I'm just so worried about how
we are going to pay for college for him.
The economy is so bad right now that
a college education is almost like what a high school
education was years ago
when it comes to job hunting.
I just wish I could stop worrying.
He's such a fine young man now
and I only want a bright future
for him.
I'm nearly in a state of panic!

5/14/2011 Terry's Bad Haircut

2011-05-14T10:51:00.000-07:00

Oh for heaven's sake Mr. Blog.
Terry just came home with the worst haircut ever.
We are supposed to go out of town tomorrow for the
week for a second honeymoon at the ocean.
I was all excited too.
Now I don't even want to go.
That's how bad it is.
Remember the mullet?
Well, that is what he came home with.
Yes, it is a cute style for a boy in his teens
or early twenties,
but at fifty
it is an eyesore.
He turns fifty-one this week
so maybe he thought it would make him look younger.
It's awful and he doesn't have to look at it
I do.
So,
I guess I can go and not look at him all week.
I'll just bring a paper bag to put over his head
for romance time.

3/2/2011 Terry Bought Three Pounds of Broccoli

2011-03-02T15:56:00.000-08:00

Oh for heaven's sake Mr. Blog!
Terry bought three pounds of broccoli
last month.
I think
he thinks
it will
wash, chop, boil, drain and serve itself.
No meat or side dishes,
just a huge sack of broccoli.
I just learned how to spell broccoli today.
It has always come up on spell check for me.
Brenda called while I was trying to find
my dictionary
and told me how to spell it.
She said I was pronouncing it funny,
like Baracoli Obama.
Well, yeah,
but I was thinking more on the terms
boroccoli.

2/28/2011 Don't Touch the Washing Machine!

2011-02-28T09:05:00.000-08:00

Oh my gosh Mr. Blog,
I am so fed up with Terry
I can't WAIT to go to work.
So, six months ago the dial on my old, rusty Maytag
began to act up.
I had to manually advance it through each cycle.
Sounds easy right?
It was for the first three months.
Then the dial and machine
had a fight and weren't talking to each other.
It was like playing roulette to rinse
the clothes.
Then I'd pray to find a working spin cycle.
So two months ago, Terry decides to "FIX"
my washing machine.
He snaked out the drain.
Well, the drain wasn't broken!
But he managed to prevent the machine from draining at all.
Well, you know I am a bad wife.
I decided not to get it repaired before I fly out to work.
I have been manually wringing out the wash for two months.
I could probably beat you at arm-wrestling Mr. Blog!
Last week I was in my room and I could hear Terry
spinning the dial on the washing machine.
I yelled through the wall, "Don't touch the washing machine!"
I told him I had to add fabric softener.
Like I have bothered with that in twenty-five years of marriage.
When he drops me off at Sea Tac Saturday,
I just KNOW he'll get all excited to be Mr. Mom.
And then...
He will try to wash clothes.
And then...
I'm horrible Mr. Blog!
When I told Brenda she started singing the
George Thoroughgood song Bad to the Bone.
She laughed and laughed and told me I was evil.
Well, I am evil.
People are always so surprised
to find out how evil I can be.
But you know what Mr. Blog?
Terry has nagged me about not having a job
just one too many times.
And now I have one.

2/26/2011 My Sister's Kidney Transplant at the UW Medical Center

2011-02-26T12:23:00.000-08:00

Wow, Mr. Blog,
That sure wore me out.
Poor sissy!
She has been on the transplant list for three years
and her wish has been granted.
My sister has been my hero
since 1956 when I was a baby.
I've seen pictures of her fawning
over me when I was a tiny baby.
She has had so many medical problems
over her lifetime
and I am worried sick leaving her
to start my new job.
I just have to focus.
Get to new job.
Do a good job.
Take sissy on an Alaska cruise.
Because NOW,
she does not have to have dialysis.

2/17/11 A Mother Went to Sea Sea Sea...

2011-02-17T15:41:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
Guess who called me this morning?
Brandy from Miami.
She is sending my airline ticket to Honolulu
and I leave March 5th.
So I am a seasonal youth staff from March 5th until May 1st.
Then I get reviewed by my superior and if that is positive
I can stay out there longer or come home.
I'm leaning towards staying longer if allowed because it can
be chilly here until August.
Somehow everything fell in place for me and I'll be home
to apply for the fall teaching jobs.
So after I hung up,
I just laid in bed for the longest time and a
patty-cake song from when I was a kid came to me:
A mother went to sea sea sea
to see what she could see see see
but all that she could see see see
was the housework she could flee flee flee

2/16/2011 Pride of America Activity Idea

2011-02-16T09:39:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog!
I'm so excited today.
It is sunny and you KNOW how rare that is here.
What, ten sunny days a year?
It kills me.
So, when I got the initial e-mail from the
Coast Guard on Friday that they
had received my Merchant Marine Credential
application,
I got in a total frenzy.
I downloaded and printed the deck plans
for the entire ship.
I'm making flash cards of the location of
the rooms, public areas, cafes and restaurants
so when the passengers need help finding something
I can just rattle it off like my name.
I need to know every inch of that ship by
heart before I arrive in Honolulu.
As much as I want to be a ship librarian,
and Holland America is the only cruise line
that has that position,
I am now 100% loyal to Norwegian Cruise Line.
I plan on making every single passenger that steps on
that ship so happy that they will
decide to come back three times a year!
I mean seriously Mr. Blog,
what other way is there to island hop
through Hawaii without the headache of those
those airport transfers?
Answer?
None!
I can't wait to help people have fun.
So I woke up yesterday
with a vision of a cruise ship activity
that marries a map, with Las Vegas-style freebies
and play money.
I think the teenagers on the ship and even younger kids
might like to help me design it for fun.
It is four 8"-11" squares taped together
and printable right on the ship.
It is called 'Find the Fun'.
You follow an antique-looking treasure
map from the lower to higher decks
exploring the ship as you go.
Every time you eat or do something fun
you get play money from that cafe or public room staff.
Then the last night of the cruise
after the staff thank you show,
you get to go to a kiosk
and redeem your play money for
NCL sun visors and tote bags and coffee cups.
When you get home, you book your next cruise
because there is nothing more fun
than cruising the Hawaiian Islands
on the Pride of America!

2/16/2011 Acronym Overload

2011-02-16T09:13:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog!
It is SO good to see you.
Well, my cousin Elizabeth forbid me from talking
to her in acronyms yesterday.
My sister Charlotte said it gave her,
"Acronym Overload."
Hahahahaha.
If they only knew!
They won't
but you will
because you let me say
whatever I want.
So!
My MMC went through the USCG and that credential replaced
the old MMD and MML, but I was still required to get my
TWIC.
I found it very fascinating to read about the ISO
and the SOLAS!
I printed a few pages for Terry to read
but when I saw the SOLAS was in response
to the Titanic,
I stopped printing!
He would NEVER come visit me at work if he read that.
He loves that Titanic movie
and I thought it was okay when it came out
but I'm sure not going to watch it again before I
start my new job!
I'm afraid of the dark!
Seriously, I will be lucky to make it through
one contract on the Pride of America.
When I was a flight attendant,
I was homesick, airsick and terrified of take offs
for the ENTIRE eight years.
The LAST thing I need in my little brain
is the idea of a sinking ship!
I'm a lot more mature now
and they invented these little computers
called laptops and they have tiny cameras
so you can see people and they can see you!
Imagine that!
Right out of Startrek!
I can talk to and see Terry and the kids
when I'm in port in Honolulu right in
beautiful downtown Kenmore!
Won't be long before they add the technology
I'll really need.
The ability to reach through the screen
to throttle the kids when they don't
do their chores!
I love all these new inventions.
They have also invented something called cell phones,
but they don't work very well,
so I'm waiting for the technology to catch
up before I buy one.
Everyone sounds like they are at the end of a tunnel
with a blender running,
so they shout louder and louder until
you have to hang up on them.
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE
I GOT FIVE E-MAILS yesterday
from the Coast Guard.
I feel so special!
Imagine an old lady like me
passing those five levels of requirements.
I am so excited!
I am foaming at the mouth
and packing today.
I thought about packing yesterday but I didn't have a plan.
I woke up with a plan so now I can pack today.
I can't wait to be a YC on the POA for NCL!!!

2/15/2011 So I Put the Valentines in That Special Place

2011-02-15T12:47:00.000-08:00

Oh Mr. Blog!
I am so happy you are back.
You would not believe everything
that happened this week.
So I won't tell you.
But yesterday was Valentines Day
AND I had bought three, large and special valentines
three weeks ago.
One for Terry,
one for Troy
and one for baby Teddy.
They were lovely and very expensive.
Fifty cents each at the Kenmore Dollar Tree store.
So I had put them in
That Special Place,
so I could find them easily.
Ugh.
Yes.
You know what that means.
They are gone until the middle of July
or some other unlikely
to be close to Valentines Day day.
So, like all my other fine,
grand plans,
they were kaput.
I did find the cheap, cute schoolchild Scooby-Doo
valentines that I had bought for
my cruise ship coworkers that didn't materialize
and I attached them to the large dark chocolate
Hershey bars that I found in Teddy's backpack
when I was looking for a flashlight.
They were leftover from our trip to Yellowstone
with a large opened bag of marshmallows.
No wonder we have mice!
I put the cards and candy in Troy and Teddy's room
and right when I got ready to tape Terry's
Scooby-Doo to his chocolate
I had a fit of
chocolate craving.
I thought he wouldn't notice
one small square missing
BUT
he did notice all six squares missing with only
two left.
Darn.

3/6/2011 God's Really Big Shovel

2011-02-06T17:06:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
Today is the Superbowl football game
so Troy's basketball game was canceled.
So watching football seems more important
to some people
than going to church,
but not me.
Pastor Laura gave a pastoral prayer
that sure had me going this morning.
She said God was going to fill in
all our worries like potholes.
Well, God is going to need a REALLY BIG shovel
to fill in all my potholes Mr. Blog!

3/5/2011 The Memorial of Lois Ringstrom Helton Spinrad

2011-02-06T07:38:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
It was nice to see all my Helton and Lemon cousins
and my Auntie Adelle for the
first time in years and years at auntie's memorial yesterday.
She was a marvelous person and lived to be eighty-six.
My Auntie Lois was one of the finest women I ever knew.
Warm, kind, friendly, helpful and zesty.
She was my role model.
The kind of person I want to be someday.
Her dad was widowed and remarried to my divorced grandmother
long before I was ever born.
They had a slide-show of her life which included pictures of her
with her dad hiking when he was a fairly young man
and she was a little girl around nine.
He was the most kind, trustworthy person I ever met
and to me he was the old grandpa always reading me books.
Nice to see him and auntie young and captured in
family love and vibrancy.
Auntie Lois was my mom's step-sister and they were friends too.
When I was twelve, she invited us to visit her house in
Beaverton Oregon.
It was the only train trip I have ever been on
and pathetically short in my young opinion.
Her youngest daughter, Holly, and I were the same age
and got along like salt and pepper.
She had three older brothers, my cousins Paul, Chris and Mark
and they were wild as March hares!
I thought my sisters and I could get rowdy,
but those older boy teen cousins were in a league of their own.
Auntie had a nice rambler house and was a
single mom like my mom
and boy did she have her work cut out for her!
We all sat down to her picnic table for a barbecue
in her huge grassy back yard on a hot August night
and she asked Mark to say grace and he said,
"Good food, good meat, good God, LET"S EAT!"
My mom and aunt looked all shocked and auntie Lois said,
"MARK!"
But then she just started laughing.
We all laughed and laughed.
It was so much fun.
She was so nice and very refined and elegant and classy.
Auntie and mom took just us girls to see the Portland Rose garden
and the next day, all nine of us went to a place called
Lee Falls for the day.
There was this outcropping over a small lake with a natural
rock slide and you could slide off or jump into the lake.
Well, those wild boy cousins were so wild!
They were much older than me and full of the devil.
They did all kinds of dangerous-looking stunts
but do you know what Mr. Blog?
Auntie Lois was just unflappable.
She trusted them not to kill themselves and they didn't.
That day with my Auntie Lois and Helton cousins
and my mom and my sisters
was one of the best days
of my entire life.

2/3/2011 I Feel Like An Unpopped Popcorn Kernel

2011-02-03T12:36:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I feel like an unpopped popcorn kernel today.
Like I'm all curled up
inside a hard shell
in the very back
of a deep, dark, pantry shelf.
I'm just here.
Just existing.
Just waiting.
Ready to pop.

2/3/2011 George Washington Did Not Belong to a Political Party

2011-02-03T10:00:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I was just reading about George Washington and was
surprised to find out that
he did not belong to a political party.
He thought that having political parties would
lead to governmental unrest and
undermine the federal government's goal of
uniting the states.
Isn't that interesting?
When he was young he wanted to join the
British army too.
Good thing for us he didn't isn't it?
We have a lot of problems in America
but I love it anyway.

2/3/2011 Pins and Needles, Needles and Pins

2011-02-03T07:29:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I have no idea why I was thinking about this
schoolkid saying when I woke up.
Pins and needles
needles and pins-
Where one begins
the other one ends.
What goes up the chimney?
Smoke
What comes down?
Santa Claus
One
two
three
four
I declare a thumb war!
Then you have a thumb war.
I suspect it is one of those old English sayings
like we said as kids like,
Don't step on a crack
or you'll break your mother's back.
We used to carry rabbit's feet in the early sixties
for good luck and not walk under ladders
or pass a black cat.
My ancestors on my mom's came to America right before the
Revolutionary War but those sayings couldn't
possibly have been handed down could they?
I wish I could find out the origins of all these superstitions!

2/1/2011 I LOVED That Sermon or The Cranky Christian

2011-02-01T09:27:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
Oh my God!
Reverend Tarr whipped out the best sermon Sunday!
You know what a cranky Christian
I have been with Troy having basketball on Sundays!
Talk about America going to he-- in a hand-basket!
Well, Troy had a late game so I got to go to church
and what a fine service it was too.
That Bothell United Methodist Church is something else.
First the choir knocked my socks off.
For a minute I thought I had died and gone to heaven they
were singing so well! Man!
Nothing like a rousing blast of
'Holy, Holy, Holy! Lord the God Almighty'
to put me in a God-like mood.
I'll tell ya.
Nola just pulled out all the stops
until my hair was standing on end.
Pastor Tarr's sermon, "Why Worship?"
was my second favorite sermon of all time.
Right after my step-dad Lyle's sermon,
"First You Wash Your Hands."
But to stay on topic,
for a change,
the sermon about why people worship really touched
a nerve with me.
I was raised going to church.
University Christian Church was THE happening place
when I was a kid.
All my cousins and pals were there
and my Auntie Ann
practically ran the joint.
Sunday school, boring sermons by Bob Thomas that
had my sisters and I giggling so hard on our
pew that my mom was ready to kill us,
potlucks, you name it!
The Full God Happy Meal for Christians.
When I outgrew Sunday school at the end of third grade,
I was shipped downstairs to the sanctuary.
All Doctor Thomas had to say was,
"Supercilious" or "Reconciliation"
and I'd be rolling all over the pew.
I thought he meant supersillyous and Reconsillyation!
I can't believe my mom kept taking us!
She had a Secret Slap to shut us up,
but it wasn't very effective.
So, Reverend Tarr asked the question about why people
should worship and unfortunately
all the people that needed to worship
for all the reasons he mentioned
were at my house:
Terry was in the basement at the
First Determined Church of Reality TV
and Troy and Teddy were in Troy's room at
The First Church of Gruesome and Disturbing Video Games.
Geez Mr. Blog!
What's up with that?!
When I was a kid the stores weren't even
open on Sundays!
The Blue Laws were the law of the land.
You worked hard all week
did chores Saturday
and went to church on Sunday.
AND, if I could find the guy that decided to put sports on TV,
on Sundays and
especially on Thanksgiving and Christmas,
I would give him a big 'ol whack
with my tapioca spoon,
right on his behind.

2/1/2011 Is Your Teen Trying to Get Out of Doing Chores?

2011-02-01T09:20:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
Good thing I'm over my cold so I'll be tough enough
when the kids come home.
I just unplugged their X-BOX 360!
I hid it next to the TV under a cloth.
I'm too lazy to carry it more than two feet
and the easiest way to hide something
is always in plain sight.
Hahahaha.
I'm such a mean mom.
No games allowed until
their chores are done.
I'm talking clean the whole house,
put their laundry away,
do their homework,
and when it warms up
they'll have to do the yard.
That's how I roll.
Ciao!

1/30/2011 The Memorial of Meg Reid of Kenmore Washington

2011-01-31T07:54:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I went to a very sad memorial on Saturday for Meg.
It was held in the Lake Forest Park Brookside Presbyterian church.
Most of our town of Kenmore went to pay our respects to Meg.
I did not know her well beyond being a PTA volunteer
with her for ten years,
but I can honestly say that she was the most
friendly and vivacious person I ever met in my life.
After the call to worship, Reverend Baresel
led us in the song, "I Can Only Imagine."
It was about what it was like entering heaven
and how you would respond to seeing God face to face.
It asked the question of would you kneel, stand
or dance before God.
I decided that Meg would probably choose to dance
and I could imagine her dancing on the clouds
in a white peasant-style dress
wearing a crown of dark red roses and
twirling around with a basket of red rose petals.
I could imagine God smiling at her from his throne
because she was so perfect.
Sometimes the petals would fall between the clouds
and land on us down in Kenmore
and we could feel her love
brushing our cheeks or hands.
Not many people could sing very well because
most of us were crying
because we'd miss her so much.
After the bible readings, psalms
and mediation, a young girl named Kalla
played guitar and invited us to sing
"Brown Eyed Girl" with her. She said that
Meg believed Van Morrison wrote the song for her.
Meg and I were close to the same age and I could remember
the summer that song came out and thought that Meg
probably loved to dance to it.
After the song, Meg's children came up and did readings
about their lives with their mother.
Janie went first and I was happy to see what a fine
young lady she has grown up to be.
I remembered a few years ago at the last PTA meeting of
the year, she came in with other kids from the performing arts class
and she had a speaking part before they sang a song
from a musical. I'd seen her grow up since she was four
and I got all proud for Meg at how talented her
young daughter was. Meg was so radiant with pride
with her little Janie. It was a great night.
After Janie went Peter and then her older sister Maggie
and brother Andrew that I had never met.
They shared beautiful stories about their
lives with their mother.
It was so heartbreaking to think that
their mother had been taken away too soon.
It was very painful to think that in years to come
I would not be all old and wrinkled with Meg.
I could imagine her whipping out a photo holder
a mile long of her grandchildren in the middle
of the grocery store and gushing over them.
It is too painful to even think about.
It just seems so unfair
that she could leave us too soon.
When her husband Tom went up to speak
it was so sad. He shared wonderful,
personal stories that made you feel
happy for him that they had been together for decades.
After her husband spoke
they had a slide show of slices of Meg's life.
It was then, for the first time,
that I understood that a picture is
worth more than a thousand words.
Her smile and vibrancy and humor
were all shared with us during that time.
You could just feel her love for her husband
and pride in her children from
the pictures and it was
a comforting thought
that her values will live on in her children.
That the world will be a better place to live in
because Meg raised them right.

1/29/2011 The Park at Squire Landing Kenmore Washington

2011-01-29T07:55:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I wrote my local newspaper again about the new park
behind our house and my article was published
yesterday in our little Kenmore Reporter.
Kenmore Reporter Editor, Andy Nystrom,
does a great job of printing both sides
of every issue.
I can only hope that he doesn't get hired off
by some big-city newspaper and leave Northshore.
Front page news was the Kenmore City uproar between
City Manager Fred Stouder and councilman John Hendrickson.
Fred said he resigned because John was impossible to work with.
I vote for John every time because I think that
having a meticulous bulldog on the council
is a good thing. I care about my tax dollars!
I like all our council members, especially Laurie Sperry.
She is really smart and a delightful person.
Mayor Dave Baker is a real hoot.
When the bike trail was lowered next to our house
I had a fit since all the noise and pollution
from the highway goes right at us now.
I was so mad that I called the friendly and intelligent
Dennis Hill and offered him
my hedge in front of my house for his huge banner
to try to unseat Dave for that council spot.
Dennis came with his banner and brought his wife Pat.
She is marvelous and had Latin in college and is
going to help me with the final edits of Gin Latin.
Well, much to my surprise,
even after giving his opponent
Dennis a boost with my hedge,
Mayor Baker went out of
his way to help us during the highway renewal!
When the night construction left
my bed bouncing like a trampoline,
Dave authorized us to go to a hotel.
I was impressed with him enough to vote for him
when he ran for senate this year
even though he is a Republican.
He and I had some very deep discourses
about the labeling of people as Democrats
or Republicans and how it is hurting America.
After all our conversations
about political stereotyping,
I think we should just toss the two party system
and create the Democans or Republicats.
We waste too much cash on elections
and campaigns and bureaucracy.
I have to main goals for the City of Kenmore
that I will fight for in my last two decades:
Baker Beach, for Mayor Dave Baker,
at the end of Lake Washington,
and Riverside Trail in the new
Squire's Landing Park behind my house.
You can read my article about the park here Mr. Blog:
http://www.pnwlocalnews.com/north_king/bkn/opinion/letters/114734744.html

1/26/2010 English Teachers Might Consider 'The Hunger Games"

2011-01-26T08:28:00.000-08:00

Good Morning Mr. Blog,
Nothing like having my state taxes behind me to
cheer me up!
A few weeks ago I was subbing over in Riverside District
in a middle school and was teaching a lesson
from a book called 'The Hunger Games'.
I hope every junior and high school English teacher
reads it and considers it for their literature section!
Not only are the plot and characterizations riveting,
but the book covers all the current global problems
of environmental degradation and socio-economic disparity.
I passed it on to Teddy and he came home from school and
wanted to talk to me about it.
It was the most he has talked to me since he turned thirteen!
I have been quite shocked as a substitute teaching
at junior and senior high schools using books that I read
in the 1970s!
I have nothing against 'Lord of the Flies' 'The Outsiders'
or 'Animal Farm' but 'The Hunger Games'
covers every single current event right now,
especially weather pattern changes
that have never been seen before in history.
Well, I take that back because of the ice age
but flooding and nuclear arms
all over the newspapers daily.
If I taught English or Social Studies,
I would have the kids bring in every single newspaper article
for a month about flooding, drought, nuclear arms,
government and military excess
and social vanity and put them all by groups on
butcher paper around the room.
Just a five minute quick tape up job
for a warm up at the start of class.
Then I'd follow the district curriculum
and get permission to have the class read
and write about 'The Hunger Games'.
It's hard to teach critical thinking
in teenagers when they are reading
hopelessly outdated texts.
Especially from 'Animal Farm'
since the cold war was back in my day and students
can't relate to it well.
Oh how I wish I could teach in 7th or 8th grade!
My degree goes up to 8th grade too
so I am qualified.
But for now,
I can only talk to my children about walking, biking or
taking the bus. I can only show them by example
to recycle and have compassion for the less fortunate.
I can only encourage them to work
and pay taxes
to support our fantastic infrastructure of roads
and utilities
and services for the disabled.
That's all I can do.

1/25/2010 Pant Shopping Between Shorecrest High School Classes

2011-01-25T15:47:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I just finished my state taxes
for Nixpix Educational Products.
I grossed a whopping $1,080.00!
Almost eighty dollars more than 2009!
Of course I spent close to ten grand getting
started, but I'm not worried about it.
I was just remembering back to early 2004
when I subbed quite a bit at Shorecrest High School.
I also went to Kellogg Middle School a lot that year.
I was convinced
that the best way to be a great elementary school teacher
was to go everywhere and experience all levels of classes.
To to get THE BIG PICTURE.
I had just finished my third period English class
and decided to write my name higher up on the white board.
I wasn't tall enough
so I climbed up on a chair
and wrote my name
but then two things happened at once.
I started falling off the chair and decided to jump down.
As I was falling/jumping,
my slacks caught the sharp metal corner
of the eraser tray underneath.
I felt a sharp pain
on my backside
and heard an ominous ripping sound.
When I straightened up I felt my rear end
and nearly fainted.
My thin, thrift store navy pants
had torn in a giant L shape
that would have covered eighteen inches
of tear, if measured.
I got dizzy with fear.
Teenagers thrive on hazing substitutes.
It was late spring and hot outside
and I didn't have so much as a sweater
with me to tie around myself!
I looked at the lesson plan
and thanked God for giving me
a one hour planning time added
to my thirty minute lunch.
The snag was,
how to get from the room to my car.
I grabbed my purse and locked the door.
Unfortunately for me,
I was on the back side of the building near the portables,
as far from the front of the building as possible.
I knew the students
didn't look at old people
and that no one would notice me
if I was nonchalant.
I stepped out of the room and waited for the
bell to ring.
Once the hall was flooded with hormonal teenagers
bouncing around wildly,
I crab-walked down the two long halls to the office.
I told the secretary
that I had a small problem
and needed to leave the building
for my lunch break.
When she asked what my problem was
I told her it was too embarrassing
and she said, "It can't be that bad."
I told her I had a small tear in
my pants from jumping off a chair
and she wanted to see it.
She came around her podium
and I rotated away from the wall
and she started howling with laughter
and grabbed the office manager
who joined in with her.
I took that to mean I could leave the building
but I knew I could not make it to Kenmore
and back before the next class started.
I ran backwards across the parking lot to my car
and raced to the Lake City Value Village.
By then I didn't care if anyone saw me.
I was around a size fourteen
at the time but didn't want
to take any chances and grabbed the first
size sixteen pants I saw and
dashed in the dressing room.
My blood pressure finally came down
as I zipped them up and tore off the tag
and paid for them.
Back safely in my classroom,
I grabbed my copy of the attendance sheet,
took a few deep breaths
and looked forward to
another dramatization of
Shakespear's 'Julius Caesar'.

1/25/2011 I Feel So Invisible Today/Cub Scout Pirate Camp

2011-01-25T09:17:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I feel so invisible today.
No job.
Nowhere to go.
I just hope John the Jeweler is in today.
I've been wearing the same earrings since 1987.
The stones fall out or wires get bent
but he seems to keep them going.
I must be the most boring person alive!
Same earrings,
same socks.
Ugh.
You'd think I'd live dangerously once in awhile
and put on some hoops.
Wait!
I did wear hoops for scout camp one year.
In 2004, Teddy and I went to Pirate Camp
up at Camp Brinkley.
Gosh that was fun.
Teddy was only six and he and his pals were so small.
I guess they had just finished Tiger cubs
because I remember they still had their
orange tee-shirts.
Let's see, it was my second batch of scouts.
Teddy, Russell, Nolan, Tate, Alex and Christopher.
I didn't get the other four cubs until second grade.
I had this cute little platform tent
off to the side and up a tiny hill
away from the tents of everyone else.
I had my own little path surrounded by dense shrubs
that my cubs had picked it out for me and
I didn't have a roommate that year.
I had bought pirate hats and
toy swords for all the boys
and they had such a blast
hacking each other up all over
our campsite.
They had this huge old stump not far from
my tent that they called, "Huckleberry Mountain."
It had a big cave underneath
and occasionally I had to
hike over and referee
arguments
and insist the evil pirates
walk the plank
and behave themselves.
One day after lunch,
when they were supposed to be having
quiet time,
they had this huge sword fight.
I was lying on my cot
digesting a mountain
of sandwiches
and next thing I knew
I was lying on my back
in the middle of a bunch of bushes
wondering how I'd gotten in that predicament.
All ten boys had chased each other
through my platform tent
and accidentally
flipped me over!
I was so stunned and when
they all looked down
at me we just laughed and laughed.
I don't think I have EVER laughed that hard
in my entire life.
Platform tents open on the front and back
which is handy for scouts
looking to flip over
their old den mother.
That was the year that I found out how loud
some men can snore!
Even from a block away
my tent sides got sucked in and out
from Dan!
I think all five snored
but he got the prize.
Joe and Clark got runner up trophies.
Teddy was so excited that first night
he would NOT quit talking
and I yelled,
"TEDDY! Go to sleep!"
The next morning
I asked Clark if Teddy had kept him awake
and he said,
No, but your yelling at him did.
Oops.
Gee that cheers me up to remember that.

1/24/2011 Ugly Socks, Clocks and Panties

2011-01-24T12:18:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I should just stay on your couch
instead of coming and going all day.
I wish.
But, I had a very disturbing incident last week.
I went out to Target to buy some white socks that
I had seen advertised.
Six pairs for $4.99.
Every other year
I buy three six packs of new white socks.
I don't believe in sorting socks
do you?
So I get to Target and guess what?
The socks on sale were so ugly
you couldn't PAY ME to wear them
for any amount of money.
I have some pride.
Not a lot
but if I have to go to the ER
for some reason
you can bet
I won't be wearing white socks
with gray toes and heels!
I ended up paying a fortune
for Hanes white socks
and I was still unhappy.
I feel ridiculous
having pink toes and heels.
Apparently
they quit making plain white socks
for ladies.
As if that wasn't bad enough,
I go to pick up a new travel
alarm clock
and they were all digital!
There is nothing under the sun uglier
than a digital clock.
I remember when they came out in the late
sixties and you could
hear the clunking sound as
the numbers turned over.
They were ugly then
and they are ugly now.
I took one of my expanded surveys
which of course included the sales clerk,
my sister and Brenny,
and it turns out that
all women think
digital clocks
are ugly!
Imagine how rich the person
will be that designs
attractive analogue
travel alarm clocks.
Same thing for panties.
All women born after 1954
like bikini panties.
Not those ridiculous
French-cut panties
or worse,
but good old
bikini panties.
Any woman baby boomer
will tell you
that the only comfortable
panties on earth
are Jockey for Her panties,
but they are ugly as sin.
Black, white, gray, pastels.
Ugh.
If Jockey ever made a series
with small print flowers,
the CEO
could buy
a brand new
Lear Jet.

1/24/2011 Making Lava

2011-01-24T12:07:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I keep forgetting to tell you
about the time
I accidentally made lava.
I forget what I burned
last week that reminded me of it.
Don't try this at home.
About three years ago,
I was warming up leftover rice
for the kids for dinner
and set the the microwave
to twenty-two hours and twenty-two minutes
instead of two minutes and twenty-two seconds.
I think I went downstairs to do laundry
and the kids were playing outside.
I came upstairs and the house was filled
with black smoke.
I'm not talking about stove-top
burned-up smelling smoke,
but microwave smoke.
It burned my eyes and throat
and I got the all the doors and windows opened.
When the kitchen cleared out enough
that I could go inside,
I pulled the Tupperware dish
out of the microwave and
carried it to the table on the back porch.
I let it sit there for an hour
before I opened it.
Low and behold,
I had made lava.
Now, I had walked over the lava fields
the previous year with Brenny,
so I am an expert on what
lava looks like
when it is cooled off and dried up.
My rice was transformed into the identical-looking
stuff and I'll bet a chemical composition
test would show it to be composed
of the same elements.
Troy and Teddy were very impressed.
Probably the only time in my adult
life I have ever impressed those two.

1/24/2011 I Never Heard the Pitter-Patter of Little Footsteps

2011-01-24T11:59:00.000-08:00

Good Morning Mr. Blog!
When sissy came over to watch a movie the other day
it reminded me of one
time when she came for lunch
years ago.
Troy was six and Teddy was four
and they were racing around the house
and she looked at me and said,
"You never did get to hear the
pitter-patter of little footsteps did you?"
It was then
that I realized I never had
and probably never will.
More like a herd of elephants.
They are so huge now
that if they start to rough house,
the walls shake.
I guess if your kids are born at nearly
ten pounds each
that pitter-patter is
out of the question.

1/23/2011 This Baby Did NOT Come With Very Good Directions

2011-01-23T09:10:00.000-08:00

Good Morning Mr. Blog!
I feel like a million dollars today!
Nothing like getting over a cold and feeling the days getting longer.
I feel so full of excitement this time of year.
We're off to Troy's basketball game in a few minutes
and seeing him all grown up and seventeen
and ready to move out soon
makes me feel a bit sentimental.
Did I ever tell you about the time he fell off the bed
and I called 911?
Oh yikes, I was so silly.
I had read all the 'What to Expect When You're Expecting'
books over and over and over again including
'What to Expect the First Year'
and none of them mentioned the situation I was in.
When Troy was two months old and I was home alone with our dog Luki,
I was rocking him in the big gold chair
and all of a sudden his eyeballs started rolling back in his head!
I called 911 in a panic and the lady
asked me all these questions
and do you know what she told me?
Babies' eyes roll back in their heads
when they fall asleep!
I was so embarrassed I could hardly stand it.
So yes, Troy was sound asleep.
I just couldn't help but thinking that despite all the books that
my baby did not come with very good directions.
There are like a million odd things babies do not listed anywhere.
Then when he was five months old I was holding him on our bed
and Terry came home from work and walked into our bedroom
and Troy shot out of my arms like a cannon ball
trying to see his daddy
and landed on the floor.
He started screaming and I called 911
and the fire fighters were here in less than two minutes.
Terry let them in and they checked Troy
and the older fire fighter asked me,
"Is this your first baby by chance?"
When I told him he was, I could see the fire fighter
wanted to laugh but could see how hysterical I was
and stayed serious.
He just looked at me and said, "When babies fall down, they cry."
I was so relieved Troy was okay.
I look at him now at six foot one and try not to love him so much.
It is really hard.
Yesterday, he and Devin attached old plywood to skateboards
and were going down the driveway on this huge contraption
and it looked death-threatening to me.
All I could think of was,
"Why do I have to love him so much it hurts
and can't he ever just doing something
that doesn't worry me?"

1/22/2011 Difficult Lima Bean and Ham Hock Soup

2011-01-22T10:43:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
Well here's a recipe that will confound your wife.
I'm calling it Difficult Lima Bean and Ham Hock Soup
and I'll read it to you:
1 Go to Safeway and stare and the ten kinds of
dry beans in total confusion
2 Notice that large Lima beans are the only beans
NOT on sale
3 Go home and find what's left of your ham hock
from your split pea soup adventure and examine it
for meat
4 Remove your federal taxes receipts from your Tupperware
bowl and rinse it out for your Lima beans
5 Cover with lots of water and go to bed
6 Get up way too early for Toady's basketball game
and boil the tar out of your ham hock
7 Flip in into a giant strainer in the sink
8 Frantically scrub the burnt spot from the ham hock pan
while Teddy paces around the kitchen telling your to hurry up
9 Fling the Lima beans into the pot and hope you got all the SOS pad
residuals out of it or that no one can taste it if you didn't
10 Put the beans on low heat and run to the mini-van
11 Watch with great pride as your mini-me plays basketball
12 Think about how it seems like a minute ago that the team
was in third grade and how proud you are to know them
13 Enjoy socializing with the parents and think how
lucky you are to know such nice people
14 Try to be quiet driving home because Toady's team lost
and he is sad
15 Analyze how men take sports so personally and wonder why that is
16 Get home and try to hurry the Limas only to have it boil over
so you have to spend a half hour cleaning the mess
17 Feel thankful for having chronic sinusitis since you
manage to burn everything under the sun and your kitchen stinks
18 Pick the meat of the ham hock and toss it in soup add salt and pepper
19 Bring soup to a boil stirring and staring at it carefully
20 Lower the heat and take a nap so you're ready
to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks with sissy later
and have some difficult Lima Bean Soup

1/21/2010 Terry STILL Doesn't Know Where the Dishes Go?!

2011-01-21T08:46:00.001-08:00

Good Morning Mr. Blog,
I finally feel better!
I had an apple for dinner last night
while watching Terry gorge himself
on toasted tomato and cheese sandwiches
and I woke up without a sore throat and headache
and felt like my old cheery self.
It's true!
An apple a day DOES keep the doctor away.
When I went to get coffee,
I couldn't find my favorite Starbucks cup
for ten minutes.
You'll never guess where it was!
On the top shelf where I put the summer
Kool Aid pitcher!
I can't even get things down from there
without climbing up on a chair
or using Lyle's old grabber contraption.
I have to stand tip-toed just to shove stuff on
the edge and then hope they don't fall on my head
when I open the cupboard.
So, there was my coffee cup and I used a ladle
to work it off edge and then caught it as it fell
because I wasn't awake enough
to be climbing on chairs OR working grab-it contraptions.
I got my cup and went to sit down
and I'm not clear what happened next,
but I was being scalded through my
Big Dog jammies and the table and lamp were upside-down
and my cup was empty.
I had to call Brenny to discuss it.
After that I realized that we have lived in the same
house for over twenty years and
Terry still doesn't know where the dishes go!
How can that be Mr. Blog?!
He has been eating.
I know that because like Brian Haley
pointed out years ago,
he is a Pop Tart over two hundred and fifty pounds.
So that means he has been using the dishes
and I've seen him unload the dishwasher.
Well, I haven't actually seen him, but I know he does.
I play possum until he leaves for work
since I'm too grouchy before coffee to
listen to his never-ending post office stories and
when I get up the dishes have been put away.
But God knows where!
On a hunch,
I decided to expand this theory of mine
that he can put things where they don't belong
and guess what?
There were my missing socks!
I think they had been in Teddy's drawer this whole time.
Terry, bless his heart, tried to help
put laundry away
and put most of my socks in Teddy's dresser.
So then I checked Troy's dresser and found the
rest of my socks.
Mystery solved.

1/20/2010 Five Million Dollar Car When People Are Starving To Death?!

2011-01-20T09:57:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I have been very upset by something I caught on TV
a few days ago.
I don't watch much TV
but Terry loves the reality TV shows
and I went in to visit with him
and when I saw someone had paid
five million dollars for a car
I became physically ill.
What kind of world has people living in it
that would even CONSIDER paying that much for
a car when there are people starving
to death on the same planet?
I am STILL upset about it.
The disparity of global wealth and the machine
that feeds into the status quo
are something I think about a lot.
People from wealthy families
that can just skip the public school system
for their progeny.
People that work two or three jobs to have a roof
over their heads and food for their children.
When Terry complains about being broke
I get so angry.
I grew up in Holly Park housing project.
I know what broke looks like and it isn't us.
It's flushing kittens down the toilet
because you can't feed them.
Hearing the screams through the walls
and crying because you love kittens.
In 1959 I was three and wondered
why some of the older black people
would look at me with pure hatred.
I hadn't done anything wrong.
I was the young face of economic disparity
and discrimination
that they lived with.
Every day.
Well, now I am an old white woman.
The top of the societal devalue chain in
American society just after old white men.
Most of the government cuts right now will
hit the low income minorities and elderly hardest.
Why?
Because we are the burden to society.
Those of us that didn't get the affluence
broadcast about in the media.
Those of us who had the American dream
dangled in front of our noses
only to get older and older.
Those of us from broken families
that were never expected to go college.
Those of us that thought we could gain affluence
through the back door
by working hard
and being good citizens.
Ha! What a laugh!
But you know what Mr. Blog?
I have no regrets.
I did the best I could and even if I was affluent
do you know what?
I would never buy a five million dollar car.
I would end global overpopulation
and hunger and homelessness.
That's what I would do.

1/19/2010 What Doctor Sally Said

2011-01-19T13:34:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog.
I went up to see Doctor Sally in Bothell
this morning for seasickness medicine.
She was my doctor in 1980 when I first moved to
Bothell and she is like the nicest doctor in
the world.
I've been so tired since Teddy showed up that
I always go to the Kenmore Medical clinic,
but I like a woman doctor and Doctor Mickelbrink
moved to Oregon!
Anyway I wanted to get her opinion on this cruise ship
job because I am wracked with guilt over
leaving my family and do you know what she said?
"I think it is a great idea for two reasons.
One, you are role modeling to your kids that in
this economy, everyone has to do what they
can to get by. And two, think of how much they
will appreciate everything that you do
after five months. I think it is fantastic
and a wonderful thing for you to do!"
So then I felt nothing but relief Mr. Blog.
I have been having an internal war for months
about this. I feel selfish that I am determined to
use my expensive college degree for a good job.
Not just get a job at Mac Donald's
after I killed myself working at
Springtime Daycare all day and going to
night school all night at the UW for ten years.
It was hard changing diapers and
cranking out Teddy for Troy to play with.
Someday I'll get my own classroom
and can afford life again
but this isn't the day.
Ciao!

1/9/2010 Lazy Girl Split Pea Soup

2011-01-19T13:20:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
How are you?
I'm starting to perk up a bit but it is slow.
I brought you a recipe for split pea soup for your wife.
I'll read it to you:
1 Go to Safeway and pray split peas are on sale
2 Wish you could afford Kool Aid packets
for the kids but you can't so you keep walking
3 Go home and cut the small bag of peas open and pour in a pot of water
4 Wonder if you'll get a horrible illness because you didn't
rinse them off but figure you won't since you haven't
in fifty-four years
5 Start the pot to boil and set the timer so you don't burn it
then turn it off until tomorrow when you aren't so tired
6 Dig through your freezer until you find your
Christmas ham hock
7 Throw that in a really big pot to boil to loosen the meat
8 Put the ham pot with loose meat in the fridge until the next day to cool off
9 Take the ham pot out of the fridge the next day
and warm it up so your hands don't get cold.
10 Cut the chunks of meat off and toss them in
what you hope turned into pea soup
11 Wonder how many ham hocks your mom cooked in her
lifetime and wish she hadn't died so you
could take her some soup later
12 Put in as much ham as you can before the pots spills over
13 Wonder if your sons eat enough soup that they
would consider careers in landscaping since they'll
be very strong and you hate yard work
14 Wonder if it is ham that Jewish people don't eat
and try to think of how you could ask that question
tactfully to a Jewish person
15 Add some salt and pepper and a bit of butter
and turn down to low so you can take a nap without the
house burning down

1/17/2010 My Pal Meg Reid

2011-01-17T08:02:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I'm so sad today.
I found out one of my good PTA pals passed away this week.
Yesterday was just a normal day until I turned over the page of
the Seattle Times.
I looked down and saw Meg smiling up at me
and thought it was odd.
That someone at the paper made a mistake.
It wasn't a mistake Mr. Blog.
She really did go to heaven.
When I saw the picture I thought she must be getting some
PTA award and they had put her picture on the wrong page.
It's terribly wrong that someone so wonderful could leave
too early. She was the brightest star shining in our little town.
Always smiling and joking around,
with a kind word for everyone.
In the twelve years I knew her she always
had this marvelously positive attitude.
She made you glad you lived in the same town
just because she was living in it too.
When Troy started Kenmore Elementary in 1999
her son Peter was in third grade and Janie
was Meg's tag-a-long, about four years old.
Meg and I did our PTA volunteer work together for about
ten years until the last of our kids went off to junior high.
I remember standing next to her on the edge of the dirt field
the year Janie started cross country in third grade.
It was so exciting to see her little girl so grown up
and running her little heart out in her ugly purple team shirt.
I had always wanted a daughter and that little Janie would steal
the heart of any woman that wished for a daughter. It was
a thrill to share Meg's joy watching Janie run.
I remember the year Kenmore Elementary turned fifty and
Nancy Young and the staff were celebrating the whole year.
I decided to have the spring carnival theme to reflect the
mid-fifties and had the girls in their poodle skirts
and everything. I had put my hair up in a beehive and finished
getting the car track running when I ran into Meg.
I knew I was in for it.
She laughed and started teasing me mercilessly about
my hair and fifties clothes and I don't think
I had ever laughed so hard in my life.
I just remember standing there between the car track
and main gym door, in the middle of the parking lot,
in the hot sun.
Meg laughing.
Me laughing.
Laughing together.

1/15/2010 Happy New Year Mr.Blog!

2011-01-15T08:09:00.000-08:00

Oh Mr. Blog!
I missed you so much.
Happy New Year!
Did you make any resolutions?
Lose weight?! You look fine.
I think that is the resolution of most Americans.
I made the resolution to get a full time
teaching job next year.
After Steve Hopkins gave me a resume review and gave
me some suggestions for improvement,
I got a few spurts of courage to ask some principals
I know for resume reviews before I ship out.
Steve was surprised to see I have taken fifteen
professional development classes voluntarily.
I plan on coming back from sea in July fluent in
Spanish too since some of my crew members are fluent.
So I have been subbing lots over in Shoreline which
is frustrating for my goal of getting hired in
Northshore school district but I have to follow the money.
Every time last spring when I'd come home from subbing
in Shoreline, there would be 15 calls on the phone machine
from Northshore. The Shoreline teachers call in sick the
night they get sick and the Northshore teachers
always wait until the next morning.
They probably think they might feel better
but the snag is that they always run out of subs
in the spring when the weather is nice.
Lots of subs go on vacation since most are retired teachers.
Well Mr. Blog, I have had some very high anxiety these
last few weeks wondering if I get to go work on the ship.
At the group interview on October 26th they told us
the training would start February 1st in Honolulu
and that is only two weeks away!
Yikes stripes!
I wanted to start my state taxes yesterday and ran out of time
so I hope to do it after the game this morning.
Ciao Mr. Blog!

12/21/2010 What About Your Kids?!

2010-12-21T14:26:00.000-08:00

Oh Mr. Blog.
Will I survive this Christmas?
People keep asking me,
"What about your kids?!"
Well.
I'll tell you what Mr.Blog,
they either don't have a fourteen year old son
or forgot how they were when they did.
Every day I wonder who kidnapped my darling Teddy
and replaced him with this giant, sassy, monster.
The eyes look vaguely familiar
as he cruises through the kitchen
looking for feed.
I tried to ship him off when when he fell asleep last week
but he came back stamped,
"Additional Postage Required."

12/20/2010 Pros and Cons of Working on a Cruise Ship

2010-12-20T08:25:00.000-08:00

Yikes Mr. Blog!
This job application work ate up ALL
my Christmas card, wrapping and decorating time.
Luckily Terry started vacay today so we can put up
our Christmas tree in a few minutes.
Like every woman in the world,
I have analyzed the pros and cons of my new job
relentlessly and this is my list of Pros so far:
1 No laundry
2 No dirty dishes
3 No cleaning
4 No shopping
5 No cooking
6 No dragging kids to the dentist/orthodontist
7 No reminding kids to do chores
8 No listening to boring post office stories
9 No looking at a house that no one wants to improve/decorate
10 No looking at a yard that looks like a homeless person camp
I don't have any cons so far except that I'll miss
my bed but I might think of some later on.
I guess I really couldn't have legitimate cons until after I'd
been on the ship for five months.
Then I will know what's up with that better.
Ciao!

12/19/2010 My Top Ten Fears About Working on a Cruise Ship

2010-12-19T08:19:00.000-08:00

Good morning Mr. Blog!
I dreamed I was working on the ship
and having a marvelous time.
Hope I don't start dreaming of delivering mail on-board!
So last night as I was falling asleep I was thinking
of my worst fears about my new job and wanted to share
them with you for your analysis. Here they are:
1. I'll fall overboard
2. I won't be able to make a friend
3. I'll get fired in training for making a silly joke
4. I'll be late to work and get fired my first day
5. My supervisor will hate me for being older
6. My cruise director will hate me for being older
7. I'll accidentally walk into the captain and get fired
8. I'll see a wharf rat inside the ship
9. I'll get seasick and sent home
10.I won't get a letter from anyone
Ciao!

12/18/2010 Coast Guard Physical For Job

2010-12-18T21:18:00.000-08:00

Good evening Mr. Blog!
Well!
That was some day yesterday!
As usual I woke up at six and played possum
until seven thirty when Terry left.
Much to my surprise, when I got upstairs
and looked out the window, sissy's roof was solid white.
for a minute I thought it was snow,
then realized it was ice so
I went and peered out the bathroom window
at my thermometer on the front porch and was
shocked to see it was only twenty-eight degrees out.
I had to hustle my bustle to get ready
and decided to start my van before my shower
to thaw it out.
Mummy's wheelchair ramp was like a ski slope
so I was extra careful sliding down the ramps.
I decided that breaking a leg on the way to the doctor's
appointment would add too much excitement to my day!
The door was frozen shut, but after much tugging I
got it open and the motor started.
I dressed in thin,
royal blue with white-dotted batiked summer pants and top
and added a gray wool blazer
with my little white penny loafers.
Terrible outfit.
Luckily the fashion police weren't across the street at Starbucks!
I fetched Brenny at Joan's in Wedgewood and cruised over
70th to Roosevelt and vaguely remembered it turned into
Westlake. For someone born in Seattle
it is hard to remember where anything is anymore
and only a few of my old landmarks remain
from the sixties and seventies.
Brenny was cranky as all get out
and if I looked bad, she looked worse!
Thank God we didn't run into anyone we knew!
We looked like two crazy old ladies that had
put everything from Goodwill in a blender
then dressed in the dark.
Brenda spotted Denny Way and we found the
US Medical clinic and parked and it was then
that I noticed it was sunny out.
We went in and I got my twenty-five pages of
Coast Guard medical forms
and almost left then and there.
It looked too big to me but
I couldn't wimp out after
I dragged Brenny along for confidence.
She began her tired chatter and I tried
desperately to tune her out and concentrate
and just when I was thinking I MIGHT have to
ask my best friend of thirty-seven years to step out,
she got up and said she needed to find a mailbox!
Whew.
Close one.
I wrote answers and marked the one hundred boxes
at top speed and finished in a half hour and Jared
checked to make sure I filled in everything.
The nice man helping me in the back
didn't have on a name tag and
didn't introduce himself so I just did whatever I was told
starting with the urine sample.
Well, that didn't work out because I seemed low on that account
after being totally stunned to see a toilet with six chains
around the top and duct tape over the paper towel holder.
He told me to drink loads of water and I told him that
he needed to weigh me first!
He refused and I knew I couldn't punch him
without jeopardizing my new career but
every woman knows a half gallon of water
weighs four pounds!
He put me on the scale and I weighed one hundred and fifty-five
pounds which would have been fine if I hadn't fibbed
about my weight and wrote one forty-five
when I was really one-fifty!
I didn't think I'd get a physical for
at least two weeks!
I will cry if they don't take me for being a big
Fibbermagee. I'm so honest about everything else!
I argued with him to take off eight pounds for the water
and heavy winter clothes but he would not
budge one inch.
Easy for him.
He HAS a job.
Once I gave up arguing I decided to make the best
of it and it turns out he had been on LOADS of
cruises and told me all kinds of interesting
facts about being on a ship.
I was so happy listening to his cruise stories
that I forgot I was even at the doctor.
My blood pressure, vision and hearing were fine
and he turned me over to the nice young woman doctor.
I immediately tried to talk her into changing my weight
because of my dreadful water intake situation.
She told me my BMI was 28 and lower than hers
so not to worry about it.
Easy for her, she HAS a job.
She had me do some odd range of motion movements
and when she finished
I asked her what she thought
and she said, "I'm passing you."
I nearly fainted right there on the table!
All over the top of all the forms were places
for the doctor to mark, Fit For Duty and
Not Fit For Duty.
I was SO relieved, I can't tell you!
So I thanked her and she left and my darling
unnamed man came back and took a gallon of blood
and sent me back to the chained up toilet for
another go at it.
He looked at me with concern and when he handed me the cup
he marked it with a line and told me
that was how much was needed.
Talk about pressure!
I got back and he had the two Coast Guard UA
vials on the little counter in the hall
and I held my breath as he filled up the first one
and then the second one.
It went EXACTLY to the mark
and I exhaled with a whoosh and he said,
"That was close."
I thanked him and smelled cinnamon rolls baking
in the clinic and went back to the front desk
where Diana helped me call Miami with my sample number.
Camille at the Miami clinic was so cheerful
that I wished her a happy holiday and went
to find my Brenny.
It looked like the most glorious sunniest day
in Seattle history as I strolled merrily to my
mini-van.
Brenny came walking up and I told her I was starving
to death. I craved going to a little cafe out of the
big city but she asked if I wanted to eat at her
very favorite place two blocks away.
I DID not want to but I kept my lips sealed
and thought to myself,
"There is no one else in the world that would
give up a half day to go to a clinic when they
are exhausted and worn out from family holiday
shenanigans, except my Brenny."
I pulled my great big Brownie smile out of my pocket
and walked over to her and looped my arm through
hers and said,
"I'd be delighted."
Ciao!

12/17/2010 I'm So Nervous!

2010-12-17T08:02:00.000-08:00

I'm so nervous Mr. Blog!
I'm in tip top shape
but what if I have some
weird illness or health problem
that comes out in this
Coast Guard medical exam?
There is so much riding on this
one little hour long exam.
All the classroom teaching jobs
have got warm bodies in them for
this school year
and if I can snag this job
I'll be able to pay off every single
Nixpix business start up cost.
Then on to Gin Latin!
I just have to remember to breathe
which sounds easy,
but when I'm really nervous
I tend to hold my breath.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Just gotta remind myself!
Ciao.

12/16/2010 The Lady Who Was a Mailman, Flight Attendant, Schoolteacher, Then Decided to Work on a Cruise Ship

2010-12-16T16:42:00.000-08:00

Oh Mr. Blog,
I am so tense.
It took all day to download and scan
and send another batch of forms to Miami.
She processed the twelve pages I faxed her
yesterday already!
So I'm scheduled for my Coast Guard physical
tomorrow and I'm worried sick.
Lifting forty pounds seems heavier to me at fifty-four
than it did at my post office test in 1977
when I was twenty.
So, all my jobs have had ups and downs.
I can tell you more in a few decades
when my kids are older.
Don't want to scar them with
crazy postal worker stories
or saucy airline stories
or eye-opening teaching stories.
Right now I have my eye on the prize:
Five months on The Pride of America cruise ship
circling the Hawaiian islands.
It's a dirty job,
but somebody's got to do it.
Ciao!

12/15/2010 My Limp Noodles Are Barking

2010-12-14T17:06:00.000-08:00

Oh Mr. Blog.
Ouchy, ouchy, ouchy.
I have started preparing for the Coast Guard
medical exam and training and
my limp noodles are barking.
Connie called and when I filled her in
she suggested I increase my arm weights
when I do my aerobic exercises.
I increased from three to five pound barbells.
Ouchy on the armsies.
I can barely lift my arms now, see?
*arms dangle down limply*
At least I finished the first batch of
what seems like a zillion forms.
I will get them notarized and faxed off tomorrow.
I was hoping to finish my Christmas cards but
now I can't lift my noodles to address the envelopes!
Ciao.

12/14/2010 There Are Now 9,999,999 Less Unemployed People in America or I GOT A JOB!

2010-12-14T08:55:00.000-08:00

Guess who got a job Mr. Bl-og?
I gave up wishing for it Sunday
and put my old Hawaiian name tag
back in my jewelry box.
It was from when I was based in Honolulu
for Continental in 1987 and 1988
and it is a little heart with a
tiny hibiscus and rainbow and my name
in Hawaiian. Kelekena.
Cute Huh?
When I got out of bed and opened my e-mail
yesterday I nearly fainted in my dear little
green Lay-Z-Boy chair when I read:
Welcome to Norwegian Cruise Line.
I was so stunned I forgot how to open my e-mail
for ten seconds!
I still can't believe it!
I ship out February 1st
and have a million things to get done first.
I'm so glad I get Christmas home with my little family.
I know I whine about them all the time
and have dreamed of running away from home
for years
to get away from the laundry and dirty dishes
and the feeling of worthlessness that comes with
being unemployed.
Or in my case, underemployed.
I just love to work Mr. Blog.
I haven not given up hope
for a full time classroom teaching job
but for now...
How many fifty-four year old women get to work on the
very top deck of a cruise ship for five months
with friendly coworkers and dear little children
and blissfully happy adults that for one week
of their often stressful lives
get to relax
and have fun
and rest.
I'd better go start my Christmas cards Mr. Blog.
Oh, here is yours.
It was from our huge road trip this summer
and I think it looks very silly.
But then we are a very silly family.
Ciao!

12/11/10 Is No News Good News?

2010-12-11T23:04:00.000-08:00

Well Mr. Blog?
What do you think?
Is no news good news?
Terry says it is.
I interviewed on Monday
and it is now Saturday night.
Oh how I want that job.
To feel useful
To feel of value
To teach without anyone noticing
To keep people safe
To stay warm.
Goodnight.

12/8/2010 The Joy Factor

2010-12-08T09:10:00.000-08:00

I'm having a fake it 'till I make it day
Mr. Blog.
When I'd get cranky on the twelve hour flights
between Honolulu and Sydney Australia
after about eight hours with four to go,
I asked my friend Janet how she
coped so well and she told me to,
"Fake it 'till you make it."
She said if I formed my face into a smile
even if I didn't feel it,
people couldn't tell
and would smile back
and then I would feel joy
in my heart and
my smile WOULD reflect it.
I didn't believe it,
but I tried it,
and she was right!
So now, since she gave me that tip
in 1988,
anytime I see another human being,
I put my smile on whether I feel it or not
and when they smile back,
it turns on my
joy factor.
I know I have told you this before so
thanks for listening.
It gets so lonely stuck at the house.
I'm so used to carrying mail and flight attending
and subbing, that it is hard for me to
not have a place to go.
Although I do love our dumpy little house,
you know how much I hate housework.
I'd much rather work
and hire someone to clean.
So my Auntie Lois died last month.
She was my mom's step-sister and I didn't
have as much time with her as mom's sisters,
but she was always kind and I loved her.
In my job hunting frenzy
I did not get sympathy cards in the mail
so I am going to do that.
Right now.
I'm famous for my pity parties
but just because I'm underemployed
does not mean there are not people
that need love.
And compassion
and attention.
So, I will put one foot in front of the other
and remember Mr. Rodgers
and cope.
Because making other people feel good
is my specialty.
Doesn't pay very well,
but that's okay.
Ciao!

12/8/2010 The Long Wait

2010-12-08T00:27:00.000-08:00

Not used to seeing me at midnight are you
Mr. Blog?
Insomnia.
I stared at the phone all day.
Picked it up to make sure it was working
every ten minutes all day long.
The long wait.
I'm happy either way Mr. Blog.
I love my dear bed.
I'd love my bunk on my cruise ship more,
but I love my dear bed.
I just want to know.
That's all.
Ciao.

12/6/2010 Skype Job Interview From Miami to Seattle

2010-12-06T20:11:00.000-08:00

Well, I survived Mr. Blog.
It was a close on though.
I worn the waist cincher Marta gave me with my spanx
and didn't get to breathe for an hour.
Her mom had bought it for her but it was too big
and now I know too big for Marta is size six.
My ribcage is still barking.
Sure was weird doing my hair and make up
and putting on a suit to go to my living room.
I thought about wearing my PJ pants
for fun
but decided I needed to feel that interview stress rush.
I was going to wear my slippers
but decided I needed the pain of my high heels
to get in the mood.
I spent all day yesterday making a set on my vendor table.
I covered it with the olive green tablecloth Marta gave me
and all the scout and Hawaiian crafts I'd made.
It looked really nice behind me on the tiny picture I could
see of me.
I made a list of questions she asked me for the
youth staff job on the cruise ship:
1 What do you know about our company?
2 Tell me what your favorite age of children is to work with and why?
3 We have rooms for age 2-5, 6-8, 9-12 and teenagers.
Tell me what activities you would plan with each
of these age groups.
4 Tell me about a difficult child you have had to work with.
5 Have you ever worked with special needs children?
6 Do you have a current CPR and First Aid Card?
7 How do you feel about having three roommates in a
room the size of a postage stamp?
8 How does your family feel about you going away?
9 Why would you want to take a huge pay cut per hour from what you are earning as a school teacher?
10 Would you have the stamina to work ten hours a day
seven days a week for five months?
11 Do you have a Hawaiian nick name or can you think of one you'd like?
I had great answers but I'm not getting my hopes up.
At least I have had a full week of fantasies
of cruising the Hawaiian Islands and
organizing games and activities
for the little rascals.
It was worth the time and effort
undergo the interview procedure for that.
Ciao

12/5/2010 All I Want For Christmas is a Full Time Job

2010-12-05T13:16:00.000-08:00

All I want for Christmas
is a full time job
a full time job
a full time job.
All I want for Christmas
is a full time job
so
I can have some fun.
Ciao

12/5/2010 Preparing for my SKYPE Job Interview

2010-12-05T10:39:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I've worn myself out preparing for
my job interview tomorrow.
I can't really talk about it yet.
I have tried for six and one half years
to get hired as a classroom teacher
and I've been rejected for hundreds of positions.
I'm not giving up,
BUT
I love to work.
I just love to work.
So, for now,
I'm going in a new direction.
Wish me luck.
Ciao!

12/1/2010 Note to Self: Put on Glasses BEFORE Operating the Microwave Oven

2010-12-01T08:16:00.000-08:00

Holly Jolly Mr. Blog!
Ahhhh. The reason for the season.
If I didn't have faith
I would never be able to cope
with this chronic joblessness.
So I went to make my oatmeal,
the way I do nearly every morning,
And what a mess!
Remind me to put on my glasses before
operating the microwave oven!
I must have hit 300 instead of 30
because the entire microwave oven
was coated with oatmeal.
And guess what?
When I took the saucer off the bowl-
it was empty!
Ugh.
Ciao!

11/30/2010 Whadya Mean I Can't Drink Gravy and Lose Weight?!

2010-11-30T08:19:00.000-08:00

I had such a marvelous time on Thanksgiving,
throwing my dietary caution to the wind.
I rolled in, basked in, basted myself in
and guzzled gravy.
Whadya mean I can't drink gravy and lose weight?!
It did take me two months to lose those five pounds.
Rather shocking it could all return in one day.
It was worth it.
Seeing the delighted faces of my sister and brother-in-law
and my marvelous children and my adorable husband,
all around the feast
giving thanks for our blessings.
It's not like I have a gravy habit or anything.
"Hi, my name is Gretchen and I'm a gravyholic."
Okay, I do have a gravy habit!
But I have come out of denial
and that's the first step.
Right?

11/30/2010 Sledding on Thanksgiving

2010-11-30T07:54:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays Mr. Blog!
We had a wonderful Thanksgiving Mr. Blog because
of the snow. Rare thing here.
Last snowy Thanksgiving was 1985.
Terry and I went sledding with the kids.
They even invited us to go to their special hill.
Well, I learned that special, to a sixteen year old,
means STEEP.
Not just any steep, but
HAIR STANDING ON END STEEP!
Terry, having been a teen boy
trying to kill himself when he was young,
didn't even walk up the golf course to see their hill.
I got up there and Teddy said, "Right here mom."
It was your basic cliff.
My sons hate me most of the time for making them
do chores so I desperately wanted to bond with them,
but I wanted to live too.
So I backed up the trail about twenty feet and crawled
under the golf cart trail rope
and swallowed my pride.
I sat down in my little plastic toboggan
and gripped the sides for dear life
and flew down the cliff
screaming with terror!
When the worst was over and I only had twenty
feet to go
I relaxed my grip.
Bad move Mr. Blog.
My toboggan flipped out from under me
and I basically body surfed on my stomach
down the end of the course.
Brrr. I'm cold still thinking about it.
Troy came over and managed to get me out of
my face-plant position
and once vertical again
I could see the shining respect in the eyes
of my sons for a few seconds.
So I'd say the bruises were worth it.
There will come a day when
I can no longer manage
"The special hill."
But until then,
"Look Out!"

11/23/2010 The Advantage of Growing Up in Holly Park Housing Project

2010-11-23T12:58:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to run down from chores Mr. Blog,
might need a nap.
I forgot to tell you earlier about the advantages
of growing up in Holly Park Housing Project.
My mom was so broke she could never follow recipes.
She couldn't afford ingredients.
To this day,
I only own one cookbook.
Why use recipes anyway?
What a waste of time!
Right up there with clothing, hair and make up
for time wasters in my mind.
But my mom was a genius at stretching her
welfare checks and here are a few of her tips:
Tomato soup can be stretched by doubling the water called for
if you ad a quarter cup of milk and a dash of pepper.
Tuna fish can be quadrupled if you use cottage cheese salt and pepper.
I wish my mom was still alive and young.
I thought she was such a horrible, critical person
until I had children.
She just wanted us to be nice people Mr. Blog.
That's all.
Ciao!

11/23/2010 Scorched Soup

2010-11-23T12:38:00.000-08:00

What a pretty day Mr. Blog!
The snow is so pretty on a sunny day.
If I didn't have a million chores I would so be sledding.
So I can't believe
I scorched my soup.
Ugh.
My first two rounds each fall are terrible.
You can't rush your soup Mr. Blog.
I'm sure you know that.
You need a good three days to make soup.
Elixer soup is very elusive.
Now I have three gallons of this disgusting
mass of bleh to eat.
Ever since Sandy Johnson's mom took us to River Ranch
in 1967 during Spring Break
and our teenage camp staff had trouble
starting a fire during a rainstorm,
I have hated scorched soup.
I remember shivering in the hut
at the top of a hill
waiting for hot tomato soup
and being handed the most
vile scorched soup in history.
At least I can put my two soup pots of goo
on the kitchen deck
in the snow
and not waste
refrigerator space.
Ciao!

11/17/2010 Two Left Shoes! Or How I Applied for my Homeland Security TWIC Card

2010-11-17T20:14:00.001-08:00

Well! What a kettle of fish
I found myself in this morning Mr. Blog!
I was sitting in my green Lazy-Boy recliner,
drinking coffee and looking online for sub jobs,
and an icky one for senior high English
at Bothell High School popped up and I
was just about to take it when
I looked at the date.
November 17th.
A bell went off in my head and I looked over my
shoulder at my giant calendar at the 17th and it
said, "TWIC 11:00AM."
I jumped up and realized that
I thought it was tomorrow and panicked.
I called Brenny and she said I'd be just fine
and that the drive would be safe and easy.
Thank goodness I had all my documents ready.
I jumped in and out of the shower and
started working on my hair to get it cute
for the picture with my curling iron
and burned a big spot on my forehead.
It took a few minutes to curl my hair
over the burn mark and my scalp was killing
me from having the curling iron too close to it with the
hair dryer on high at the same time.
I fried my brain.
Literally.
I was all ready to go when I looked down and realized in my haste
that I had on two left shoes!
I KNEW they felt weird.
I solved that problem and shot out the door.
It was cold and rainy and I told myself to remain calm
as I drove up Lake City to 145th and cut over to highway 99.
It was scary driving through the Battery Street tunnel.
Every monster from 'I Am Legend' to '28 Days'
was up in the ceiling ready to drop on me
so I had to really concentrate and be ready.
Once I got out of the tunnel it was pleasant to see
the waterfront and all the ships and ferries.
Made me thirsty for a cruise ship job for sure!
Once I got to Georgetown I had memorized the streets
to pass so I'd find my left turn.
Well, the streets didn't all go through because of the
railway yard right there,
but I noticed I was on the right hundred block and
took the next left.
I was in front of the Georgetown morgue!
It said KUBE Haunted House on the side and I thought
of Michelle Moyes. She told me at the Duchess tavern party a few
weeks ago that she went there with her son and some friends!
What a small world. I love her.
When we lived in Holly Park housing project,
there was one other white family in our little square and
the mom's name was Sandy Cole and
she had a son my age named Steven.
When she moved out in 1960 to West Seattle,
she would call my mom to meet her for bowling at the
Georgetown bowling alley. We went there for years
until we moved North to the University Village area in 1966.
So it was fun to be there in Georgetown and remember my mom.
Thank goodness I was a half hour early because the
winds were blowing about 60mph!
By the time I got inside the building from a block away,
my hair was standing straight on end from all the hairspray
I had applied to the carefully coiffed curls earlier.
THAT didn't work out too well for me Mr. Blog!
I got to the ladies room and nearly passed out when
I looked in the mirror.
Like I had stuck my finger in a socket.
I brushed like crazy to get it to lie down a little
and went and waited.
I sat next to the nicest man that had gotten hired by
Northern Pacific Railroad as a conductor!
Imagine that!
He had been and electrician twenty years and the business
moved and he needed to start a new job.
I learned that so far the trains and cruise ship people need TWIC cards
but the man, Dan, told me eventually all travel industry people
will need them.
I chatted and waited a half hour until I got my turn.
I had my $132.00 cashier's check and my passport
and had applied online in advance so it was pretty fast.
I had socks older than Dan, the TWIC man,
but he was charming and friendly as he processed me.
They had an awesome infra-red hand and finger scanning device
right out of a Star Trek episode.
I kept waiting to get beamed up but I didn't.
I hope I get my Transportation Worker Identification Credential.
There were some really weird questions on the additional
form I had to fill out there related to terrorism.
I think I'll be okay.
It was 11:30 when I cruised North on East Marginal Way
and downtown looked really dramatic with the dark purple
storm clouds behind it.
It looks nice except for all the new buildings.
They are all ugly as a baboon's backside!
The only pretty one is the Smith Tower.
When I was a kid we were so proud to have the
tallest building West of the Mississippi!
When I drove up on the Alaska Way viaduct the
view of the water was amazing!
Purple and churning and
the ferries in Elliot Bay were being tossed around
like ping pong balls out there!
All I could think about was working on a cruise ship
and sailing all over this planet.
I just love Earth.
It is SO pretty.
I got up to 80Th and was faint with hunger so I went
through the Taco Bell drive through for a few soft tacos.
I tried to eat while I was driving but got covered with
cheese shreds and tomatoes and lettuce
so I pulled into K-Mart on Aurora and 130Th.
Pam and I used to shop there years ago and I remembered
why I quit shopping there.
They have no greeters or floor sales people!
Poor K-Mart.
All they needed was floor staff instead of remodeling
and they'd be packed like Nordstroms all the time.
I had to go all the way back to lay-a-way to find out if
they still carried housecoats.
House coats were like casual dresses that snapped fast
up the front that were popular with housewives in
the fifties and sixties.
You could be dressed fast, but not dressed up enough
to go past the mailbox or anything.
Mostly for drinking coffee in and I had worn my last one
out five years ago and just been throwing on a muumuu.
Well, I decided a housecoat would be perfect for the
crew quarters on the cruise ship for lounging.
Only snag was, they were all ugly as sin.
I found the least ugly, with a paisley handkerchief
pattern but couldn't decide on salmon or turquoise.
I asked a lady nearby which on she liked better and she
said she liked the teal.
I'm not sure about teal or turquoise or how they are related
but I have no fashion sense or interest so I
took the teal.
It was an exciting thought to add that ugly housecoat
to my growing mound
of cruise ship gear in the side of my closet.
Packs of gum, snorkel gear, new shoes.
Now all I need is to get the job!

11/16/2010 The Smell of Friendship

2010-11-16T13:34:00.000-08:00

Oh Mr, Blog,
Thank God you're here.
I'm so lonely and depressed.
I got my errands mostly done and went to
Third Place Books to avoid another
Maeve Binchy withdrawal and do you know
what I smelled?
The smell of friendship.
It was coming from the commons area where friends
were meeting for lunch.
A combination of lovely food odors
mixed with wet wool coats and hats.
Musky dirt from heavy boots
and sour milk from baby bibs.
Paper from books and newspapers
and lilting dirty hair.
I was so filled with envy and longing.
Retirees meeting for lunch
and young mothers with their babies.
And I fall in a gap.
Too young to retire.
Too old to have a baby.
Just the odd man out.
Again.

11/16/2010 The Cure

2010-11-16T08:09:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
Boy am I groggy.
Terry was nagging me about being jobless
again last night and I had trouble sleeping
from worry.
I read that counting the under-employed,
there are nineteen million Americans without
jobs right now.
The technology that was supposed to make life easier
backfired and put everyone out of work.
So, you know what Mr. Blog?
I can only put one foot in front of the other.
I can only try to wake up.
I can only get a job if there is one.
But for now,
I have to find the cure to wake up.
Coffee.

11/15/2010 Time to Cowboy Up!

2010-11-15T10:33:00.000-08:00

Ahhh, Mr. Blog.
Thank God for you.
I've nearly worn out the knees on my PJs
from being on my prayer bones so much lately.
I finally got the nerve to cowboy up and
schedule a meeting with a local principal
to get some look-see time on my resume.
The fact that I get requested to sub
tells me that the teachers trust me
so I must be doing SOMETHING right.
Right?
It is a dreary looking day but making that call gave me the
inspiration to blast through my housework and get a move on.
Ciao!

11/11/10 My Birthday Part Two

2010-11-11T14:43:00.000-08:00

Wow, Mr. Blog,
I am having a serious nap attack.
After I saw you yesterday, I had an e-mail
from Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines
that my application had been PROCESSED.
Being processed is so much better than being
REJECTED!
Woo hoo for being processed.
I heard a commotion outside and the department of
corrections was weed-eating in front of our house.
I went out and offered them coffee or Kool-Aid but
they didn't want any.
They didn't know our house was there and they were supposed to be
working in front of the park but you know what?
They worked for another hour in front of our house
hedge trimming and raking!
Our house looks so spiffy now!
It was hot and sunny of all things and when Patty called
she said she had time to go for lunch and coffee.
Brenny had sent me $25.00 for my birthday and
so Patty and I could go to Toshi's for lunch.
I had the beef shish-ka-bobs and they were so good.
Then Kim, the owner, came over and gave me a bouquet of
the long stem Korean candies.
She said, "I think it is your birthday soon."
I told it was today and she gave me a big hug and smile.
Then Patty and I went and sat on the patio of the
Kenmore Starbucks and had huge fancy drinks.
I love the gingerbread one and Angela had given me
a Starbucks card for my birthday.
We basked in the sun and drank coffee for hours
and it was so pleasant.
When I got home I dug right in calling retirees for
JoAnn's union presidency run.
I got 36 confirmed votes before the kids came home
and it got too loud to make calls.
Pam and Al came over and they brought two
pumpkin pies and sang me happy birthday with Terry.
I let the kids go visit friends 'cause I like
the peace and quiet sometimes.
We had a lovely pie and hot tea party and when I blew out
my candle I did wish for a cruise ship job.
Brenny says I get special birthday powers this month
and I hope she is right!
I got great presents: my fav pink Dove soap from Pam
and an apron to die for from Suzanne and handkerchiefs
and a cool box from JoAnn.
I am such a freak Mr. Blog.
I put my Dove soap and new hankies
in my closet with my cruise ship supplies.
I have a huge stash of gum and other things
that are brand new to take along.
After Pam and Al left I made Terry watch,
'Fried Green Tomatoes' with me and I had forgotten
how sad and traumatic parts of the story were.
I went through three hankies!
The kids came home and I asked them to watch TV in the
basement so Terry and I could have a nice date.
Now this morning the weather was back to gray and cold!
I made the Ts all waffles and eggs and then started getting stuff
ready for the Saint Brendan's Arts and Crafts Fair this weekend.
At noon, Terry and I drove to Lynnwood to use the IXTAPA
Mexican restaurant gift card Angela had given me
and that was lovely.
Fun to have a date with my darling husband once in awhile.
We zipped down to Aurora Village and Terry let me pick out
some sneakers for my birthday gift.
I had never seen Dr. Scholl's brand shoes but they
were so comfortable and all leather in white.
You'll never guess where I put them Mr. Blog?
In my closet of cruise ship job goodies!
I won't even take them out of the box until
it is time for my first shift.
I know, I know.
How do I know if I'll get hired?
I don't.
But thinking about just the possibility
gets me out of bed in the morning.
I swear to God it looks like it is going to snow Mr. Blog!
I looked all over the internet trying to find out when
the earliest snow in Seattle happened
but I couldn't find out and gave up.
The earliest I can remember was the Thanksgiving
of 1963. I was seven years old and we had dinner with
all my aunts and uncles and cousins at my Auntie Ann's big
house in Laurelhurst.
A few flakes started down and I was going with cousin Care
and little Boo and baby Danny back to Cougar Mountain
and when we got out to Cougar Mountain the snow
got deeper and deeper and my cousins fell asleep
but I was watching out the front window between Uncle Frank
and Auntie Jean and as we started up the big hill
it got icier and icier and steeper and steeper
and it was so dangerous and thriller.
Then near the top, someone had made a snowball and it
started down the hill and got bigger and bigger until
it was the size of a garbage can and
I thought it was going to hit us!
Funny that I don't remember what Uncle Frank did,
but we all lived and got up to their house way
up near the top of Cougar Mountain.
So, Mr. Blog, do you know when the earliest snow in
lower Seattle has ever fallen?
I really, really need to know!
Ciao!

November 10, 2010 My 54th Birthday

2010-11-10T08:24:00.000-08:00

Ahhhhh, Mr. Blog!
It's my birthday!
I haven't been home for my birthday in five years.
Brenny would buy me a ticket to visit her in Hawaii
and I'd pay her back later with my sub money
or Terry would buy me a ticket to get me out of his hair.
My kids think I'm 49!
But you know what Mr. Blog?
I feel twenty-nine!
Now that I'm sleeping for the first time in seven years
I feel fantastic.
Those stupid hot flashes all night nearly killed me
because I'm a big sleepaholic.
I've always slept ten hours a night.
Now that I'm older I only sleep eight
but feel good. No.
I FEEL GREAT!!!
So Brenny called and I was telling her how Terry and I
watched 'Second Hand Lions' a few nights ago
and that the story starts when the old men die
and goes to flashbacks of their youth.
I told Brenny that we needed a batch of better
adventures if we were going to have some really
good memories when we are ninety-two.
She reminded me of some of our adventures that
I had forgotten about
and I decided to write them down.
Turns out I love to write.
When I finally get hired by Holland America
to be a librarian, I'll get a few sets of good books
for my reading club.
I cut out the reviews of books I want to buy
and save them in a binder.
There are some I really, really, really want
badly but can't afford them.
That one about the London Tower
and the dust bowl and the history of salt.
I just got so spoiled working at the Post Office
and the airlines.
I could buy all the books I wanted
and I did!
When I was flying I switched to used paperbacks
so if I forgot them on a plane or at the hotel
I wouldn't care.
I read all the Louis L'Amores and
tons of little romance novels.
So it is a blazing sunny day!
I am so happy.
I'm going to finish calling people for
JoAnn's election,
go out to lunch to Toshi's
and Patty is coming over later to go to Starbucks!
Sissy is bringing over a pumpkin pie later
for a family singing
and you know what my wish will be when I blow out
those candles!
A TEACHING JOB.
I don't care where.
I just want to use my degree Mr. Blog.
I feel guilty wishing for something for myself.
I really want all the people in the world to have good health
and happiness and prosperity the most
and that should be my first wish.
But I love my husband and
our kids are eating us out of house and home!
So tonight I'm making Terry watch
'Fried Green Tomatoes' with me!
He HATES chick flicks
but it is my birthday
and as long as I tickle his feet
he'll be able to stomach it.
I'm just so happy Mr. Blog.
We have perfect health
and a great house
and loads of fun together.
YOU have a great day too!
Ciao!

11/8/2010 Trying to Stay Calm

2010-11-08T21:48:00.000-08:00

Oh Mr. Blog,
The sweet torture of it all.
I was surfing the internet a few hours ago
of all the cruise lines and what should I find?
Several are HIRING Christmas cruise extra staff!
I nearly died!
When I think of Christmas hiring,
I think of the post office or Bon Marche
or other retail stores catering to shoppers,
not cruise ships.
I just counted over two dozen extra holiday cruises
on the Holland America website!
I need to calm down because I just got
requested to sub tomorrow and I need to sleep.
This morning right before I woke up,
I dreamed I was on a Holland America ship in
the Club Hal and I and I was leaning over some kids
at an arts and crafts table
watching them make bracelets out of old buttons.
Funny thing is, I have never seen a bracelet
made from buttons.
So I call Brenny and she said she just saw one
Sunday morning at the Mu'ku'u market!
Isn't that wild?
So, thanks for letting me talk about it.
Get it out of my system.
I did drop off an updated resume at Holland America
week before last on my way back from
my Norwegian cruise line interview.
I just want to teach Mr. Blog.
I don't care where.

11/8/2010 I Want to be a Church Lady

2010-11-08T09:55:00.000-08:00

Hi Mr. Blog,
I am so sore from bowling yesterday.
Someone told me after the tournament last
year they had, "Bowling Butt."
Hahaha. That is so cute.
So I had a message on the phone machine last night from
Lynn Pearson at the church and called her back.
She asked if I was interested in a volunteer job
next fall on the nominating committee.
I told her I wasn't but I really am.
But you know what Mr. Blog?
As much as I miss being a scout leader
and PTA volunteer,
I have promised myself that I will not do
ANY volunteer work until I have a full time
paid job teaching.
Whether on land or on sea,
I want to work.
Work for cash.
I WANT to pay taxes!
I love our roads and parks and
everything single thing about America.
I love how I can be a church lady soon
without someone wanting to shoot at me for not
following the popular religion.
I love my freedom.
Brenda says we are both freedom freaks
and I suspect she is right.
SO, the minute I get a job
I'm calling Lynn Pearson
and I'm saying, "What can I do?"
Do you remember when Dana Carvey used to do that
Church Lady skit on Saturday Night Live?
That's how I want to be.
The Church Lady.

11/7/2010 Bowling for Muscular Dystrophy with Branch 79 Union

2010-11-07T15:45:00.000-08:00

Whew Mr. Blog,
that was some tournament!
I am a beat dog from bowling and helping Marta
move stuff for six hours yesterday.
Ugh.
At least JoAnn asked Jodie if I could be on her team.
Thank God!
She and I are possibly the worst bowlers in the history of
Kenmore Fifty Lanes.
She started working at the Bothell Post Office in 1987 right
after I quit.
She is really good friends with JoAnn and carries mail with her up in
Mill Creek.
I got to see some of my old pals that I carried mail with in Bothell
from 1980 to 1987. Mary Constanza and Fernando and of course
Brooks and JoAnn.
I told Jodi I was very worried about JoAnn's run for Branch 79
Letter Carrier Union presidency over Rick Horner
and she said not to worry
that JoAnn the election in the bag.
That's what we thought last time and she lost by four votes
and had to go back to carrying mail after running the union for fourteen
years. She was so good at that job and when she gets a paper cut
she bleeds union blood.
I volunteered to call the 500 retirees but it is slow going
without the phone numbers. I have to go on the internet and
look up each name individually to get the numbers from
the reverse directory from the address.
So there weren't as many teams bowling this year and that made me sad.
Muscular Dystrophy is a terrible illness and usually people are
born with it and they don't ever get to walk.
The young gal the union sponsors was there in her wheelchair.
She is only about twenty and is in a wheelchair.
I hate that.
It is so unfair.
I just can't understand people having wasteful things like...
I don't know what.
But wasteful things of some sort
when there are awful things like muscular dystrophy and
cerebral palsy and ALS.
I'm not sure what ALS is but my pal Jenny Dwyer talks about it
and Jennifer Donahue works to cure pancreatic cancer.
That is terrible too.
Oh, sorry. I get sidetracked when I think about suffering
and don't know what to do.
I didn't even have money to pay my entry fee
but Jodi covered me. I told her I could
write her a post-dated check for my paycheck but she
didn't want me to.
Well, I am more inspired to get a job now than ever so
I can pay for Jodi's entry fee next year!
She is such a little pussycat.
The kind of person that if you got shipwrecked with
would say something like, "Wow, look at all the coconuts,
this will be so fun!"
I'm not even kidding Mr. Blog.
Jodi Olsen in one nice cookie.
And that little Mary Constanza!
She is such a firecracker.
She was having such a tough time raising those two kids
alone when I met her. Little Tony and Julie.
But what a marvelous job she did!
I think a lot about all the mail carriers.
They are out there year round in that brutal weather
with those awful supervisors needling them.
They are my heroes.
Every last one of them.
I couldn't do it.
The managers were so mean that I nearly had a
nervous breakdown working there.
Now the sisters that were on our team
were a hoot and a half.!
Donna D'Ambrosia was a shop steward with Terry
for awhile and then transferred to Mill Creek
and she and her sister Susie were so cute I couldn't
stand it.
How I longed to have a fun sister that
wanted to do things with me.
But I just pretended they were my sisters!
Jodi and I had really good games too!
I bowled 68 these first two and then 106!
I was so thrilled.
Plus, JoAnn's little sister Val was there.
She is probably one of the best people God made.
Val Pyle is just one of those people that after you
talk to them, you wish you could be half as quality of a person yourself.
She is a fancy-pants bowler too when she does this fancy foot
up in the air thing.
Mary has a wild fancy style too!
Very exciting to watch!
Oh, and Carlos' dad Gene came too!
He is really really good.
He has played on leagues for years and years.
Coby Jones showed up and I had met him last year
bowling. He is so funny and cheerful.
It got really fun as time progressed when people started shoving
cash in the neck collars every time anyone got a strike or a spare.
Mary did a really cute booty shake dance and had about
twenty dollars hanging off her back jeans' pockets!
We laughed and laughed and cheer each other on until we were hoarse
AND made another $50.00 for muscular dystrophy.
So that was fun.
I had dreaded it so much because I am a terrible bowler.
But you know what Mr. Blog?
I had one of the best times of my life.

11/3/2010 I Love Basketball!

2010-11-02T09:51:00.000-07:00

*Walks in jauntily*
Good morning Mr. Blog.
I am thinking about basketball this morning.
I got e-mails from the kids' coaches that practices
are starting this week
so of course I'm excited thinking about the most
EXCITING SPORT IN THE WORLD.
I wanted to go see a Seattle Storm game so bad
in person but couldn't afford a ticket.
That made me so sad.
Must be nice to have a job and get to go to see
sports and concerts and stuff.
When I carried mail and was a flight attendant,
I went to stuff all the time.
It was awesome.
I wonder why I am being so stubborn about getting a job
related to my teaching degree anyway?
It's really not like me.
So back to basketball.
It is the perfect game.
I think I'll write a poem about it:

Watching Basketball

Running, shooting, feet of thunder
cheering crowds
go down under
finding joy and screaming loud
basketball
feel so proud.
Sons that run and shoot and pass
not like home
where I hear sass.
basketball

Well, time to dash off to Brookside
and earn some Christmas money!
Ciao!

11/2/2010 That Deformed Twix Bar Was the Best Thing I Ever Ate!

2010-11-01T17:38:00.000-07:00

*Bounces in merrily and plops on couch.
Oh my goodness Mr. Blog!
My day kept getting better and better and better.
I'm surprised Holland America didn't call and hire me to
work the librarian position on the 14 day Hawaii loop that leaves Sunday!
After I left here I dashed down to rotate the wash and when
I looked in the machine I could see a mangled candy wrapper.
I fished it out and it was a slightly deformed mini TWIX!!!
This was the first time in FIFTY years that a piece of candy didn't
cross my lips on Halloween and I was feeling darn smug.
I had just finished my lasagna at noon and that
DEFORMED TWIX BAR WAS THE BEST THING I EVER ATE!
I ate it standing right there in my cold,
ugly but clean, utility room.
I ate it SO SLOWLY!
I used to think they were disgusting
like the candy plant was cheaping out
adding a wafer inside.
But not anymore!
The chocolate was of a high-tasting quality
and the wafer was delightful.
And it tasted really, really good!
You know, I think there might be a dash of caramel inside.
Patty called just then and wanted to go to Starbucks
and I told her two o'clock
and then ran like a madwoman upstairs
to do my Jane Fonda tape,
get my shopping list made
and then race to shower and dress.
I was so happy I didn't even care
that it was the ugliest day I ever saw!
I dropped off my prescription at my beloved Rite Aid
and dashed over to the Kenmore UPS store.
They have the cutest cards in the world right there!
Right in downtown next to my beloved Toshi's Teriyaki.
Did you know that the owner Kim was also born in 1956?
Her birthday is in July so that makes her three months older than me.
Little rascal.
And I mean little too!
I guess Korean people are pretty short.
She is so cute!
I had seen the great Halloween cards last week when I was in making
color copies of cub scout and carnival games
I had made for cruise ship applications.
I wanted super-cute special thank you cards for the ladies
that interviewed me for Norwegian Cruise line last week.
They aren't thank you cards but I wish I could show you one.
It's a picture of a ten year old witch girl from the back with
her hands on her hips in that sassy style girls get sometimes
and she is looking at a wall with eight different styled brooms and
inside it says, "Sometimes you just have to accessorize."
Man, if I had a job I would have so bought every single on of those
to mail to all my home girls.
Broke my heart that I could only buy two!
So after that I dashed in the rain to Kookmore Safeway
but only saw three kooks on the way.
That was disappointing
but, Safeway had everything I needed and
GUESS WHAT?!
My favorite checker Michelle said her brother works for
Holland America! AND...
HE IS WORKING THE WORLD CRUISE I WANTED TO WORK ON!
I couldn't believe it!
I cried and cried September 25th
when that ship left without me.
I had practiced Russian, Japanese and Chinese greetings too.
Her brother is a guitarist so that is what he gets to do.
Man, playing guitar on a cruise ship.
I'm so jealous I could just spit!
I'm writing him a letter with my phone number so when
he gets home I can buy him coffee and hear all about it!
I can't wait!
When I got home Patty pulled up and we went straight to Starbucks
and frolicked over our coffee for hours and hours.
We got armchairs next to the fireplace!
I know.
I told you it was my lucky day.
She has a JOB INTERVIEW tomorrow and I am so jealous.
I will put her on my prayer list when I get
down on my prayer bones in a few hours.
Her interview is at one tomorrow down at the Bellevue Macy's
so I'll pray then too.
You know I have seen a few miracles
and I really believe in divine intervention.
Well, I need to get back to mending Terry's favorite shirt.
You would not believe this nasty green rag of a tee-shirt in a million
years Mr. Blog!
And the smell!
Even after washing it makes my eyes water to work on it.
Thank God I have chronic sinusitis.
Besides the headaches behind my eyeballs
that make it feel like someone is stabbing me with an ice pick,
it is a really good thing!
Bye bye.

10/30/2010 Cruise Line Job interview

2010-10-30T09:37:00.000-07:00

*Walks in bouncily and lies down*
My goodness Mr. Blog!
My wish was granted this week and I had my
first cruise ship job interview downtown Tuesday.
I found it by surfing cruise line career websites.
If I get picked, I start work in Hawaii February 1st
for five months. Twenty seven day cruises.
Bonnie offered to drive me to Elliot Bay which was
shocking, but her husband doesn't want her to work
outside the home and she likes to leave their rural
home for a big adventure once in awhile. Lucky me!
She arrived at 7:30 and I had just finished
pouring myself into my Spanx-like undergarment
and suit. I was a very naughty kitten at Louise's
party Thursday night and paid dearly for it by not being able to
breath the next seven hours!
It was a brutally windy, rainy morning
and Elliot Bay looked like a vanilla milkshake!
I saw an interviewee get dropped off and in the time
it took her to cross the road to the hotel,
her hair looked like a Don King look a like.
I asked Bonnie if she didn't mind driving down
and turning around to go under the hotel entryway
and she did not mind one bit.
I hated to be a princess but this hairdo
put me back one hundred clams!
I got in and found the lower lobby of the Marriot
and it was around 8:30. Two people had just arrived
and one man was already inside our conference room.
I took my time starting my make up and hair touch up.
There was a magnifying mirror on an extensible arm
that was dandy. Wish I had one at home!
After primping for a solid hour I thought I might
be able to pass for forty seven or eight!
I went in the room at 9:30 and got a seat in the front
and about a dozen people had come in.
I chatted with the ladies behind me.
One was applying for youth staff and one to cook.
At 9:45 the lovely interviewer ladies came in and
greeted us and they were around my age.
The first thing she did was give us all silk leis!
That was inspirational since it was freezing outside.
One went to the lobby to sign in people while
the other set up her laptop spooled into the projector.
First she told us about the job and details
of the itinerary and Hawaii.
Then she said that if we did not have one year's
experience in the job we sought we need not
stay since there is no on ship job training.
I was so relieved since I've taught for six years.
After that she told us about the TWIC card we needed.
Transportation Worker Identification Card.
After the 9/11/2001 Bombing of the World Trade Centers
in New York, America strengthened its homeland security.
The TWIC card would allow us access to get to our ship.
Then she talked about the Coast Guard physical
and said not to worry, if she could pass it so could we!
She was really warm and friendly and funny.
I was shocked that half the people showed up
in blue jeans, with piercings or black nail polish.
There were about one hundred of us.
After an hour I was called with the first group of ten
to wait in the hall for a one on one interview.
I was very happy!
My last interview to get in the UW teacher college had
five people interviewing us!
At the airlines it was common for three people to interview
you and I did over fifty of those interviews.
I was called in by the other lady and she was so gracious.
I gave her my paperwork and she frowned slightly and said,
"I see you are a teacher. We want to entertain the children
more than teach them."
I felt like the floor was opening up to swallow me
when she said that and I started hyperventilating.
I told her I brought something to show her and very
slowly reached down to my tote bag on the floor
and brought out my Kwakiutl and Ecuadorian masks I had made.
I told her that I was a cub scout leader for ten years and
knew all kinds of games and arts and crafts.
She broke into a huge smile and started scribbling all over
her interview sheet. Then I told her as a PTA volunteer that
I had organized the school carnival for ten years
and she scribbled even more frantically.
I closed my mouth and smiled a small smile and
she looked up and said, "If I could hire you on the spot
I would. The youth staff director hires her staff.
Here is my business card and if you don't hear from her
within two weeks, e-mail me and I'll call her."
I asked if she could jot down the other nice lady's name
so I could send her a thank you card and she had
the biggest smile!
Then she put a tiny blue post it note on the top
of my application and I stood up and thanked her
and shook her hand and left.
Well you know I have been beating myself up lately
Mr. Blog for using all my extra energy volunteering
instead of getting a master's degree or something and
this interview made me realize that I had done what I loved.
I had helped people have fun
and feel good about themselves.
That is what I am really good at but I don't think of it
as a special skill set of any kind.
But maybe it is?
When I subbed the following day I was so excited to
get to work I was way too early.
I told the office manager about my interview
and she said she had been on a great cruise
with Royal Caribbean. When I got to the classroom
I looked at their website and there was a full page
ad that said, "Wanted: Imaginative Youth Staff!"
I was shocked and happy because I learned so much
at the interview about what they are looking for
and you know what Mr. Blog?
It is me.
I must have a thousand games and arts and crafts
rattling around in this old brain of mine.
So all day yesterday I dug through photographs of
fun scout games, carnival games I'd built etc.
I dashed to the UPS store and had them color copied
on sheets of paper that looked terrific.
Then I updated my cover letters and got them
all in three clear plastic folders for
Holland America, Princess and Royal Caribbean.
I put them in card stock priority mailers
and made it to the post office at 4:45.
The truck comes at five.
I got home and put away all the papers and pictures
and folded up my table and tucked it away.
Now you and I both know I am fifty-three Mr. Blog.
Several decades past the age of most new hires.
But now I have a dream.
The latest a full time teacher ever gets hire is October.
For the last seven Novembers I have spent the first
week in bed crying because I didn't get hired to teach.
I will tell you my dream.
I am standing at the door way of the Explorations Cafe.
The ocean is out the window of both sides
and I am all dressed up in a navy blue suit
greeting a middle-aged couple
and asking them,
"How may I help you?"

10/25/2010 The Diss Stops Here

2010-10-25T12:05:00.000-07:00

*Walks in jauntily and lies down*
Ahhh, Mr. Blog,
My true blue therapist that collects my
best and worst hopes and dreams!
You will not believe what happened last night.
I am so mad at myself!
I went to a party of some friends
that I have know most of my life
and it was very lovely.
Beautiful home, fine food and beverages
and naughty, naughty desserts.
Well, something happened five years ago
that still bothers me deeply.
A PTA pal was dissing my other PTA pals.
Not only did I NOT DEFEND THEM,
I agreed that so and so talked too much
and so and so only brought cakes to events!
I have been hating myself for five years over that conversation
and the disser is no longer my friend
at all. Gone. Pow.
These were people I love dearly and I was a rat to them.
So last night,
an old friend was dissing
another old friend.
This time I did not get on the
diss bandwagon
but I was guilty of
NOT DEFENDING HER!
Shame, shame, shame on me!
Oh, how I revile in my spinelessness!
But, I have new resolve.
The next time I see someone climbing up on the diss-wagon
I am not only NOT going to get on
or watch the wagon roll down the lane,
I am going to pull that person off!
I'm going to say,
"Let's TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE!
LET'S TALK ABOUT WHAT IS GOING RIGHT!"
So what do you think Mr. Blog?
Do you think I can grow that much
steel in my soft, wimpy little spine?
Can I keep trying to focus on my own behavior?
Can I help anyone learn to focus on their own behavior?
Or is it just a big waste of time?
Ciao!

10/22/2010 Hair: Check, Nails: Check, Drunken Caterpillars: On the Wagon

2010-10-22T14:23:00.000-07:00

*Walks in and lies down*
Hi Mr. Blog,
I'm so plagued by self-doubt.
I have gotten my hair frosted
to hide the gray,
my nails in fancy French manicures
and my drunken caterpillars of eyebrows
went on the wagon last week.
But nothing can change the fact that I am fifty-three.
Brenda says she doubts they hire anyone over fifty
for fear they'll have a heart attack at sea.
And you know what?
She's probably right.

10/21/2010 Running In Authority Like A Touchdown

2010-10-21T17:48:00.000-07:00

*Walks in slowly and lies down*
Oh Mr. Blog,
We have been having some family problems.
Problems I won't be able to talk about with you
until 2032.
When I'm a really old lady and can put things
into perspective.
So today I had a conversation with someone.
It reminded me of working at the post office.
You know I hate sports analogies and
that I'm not a big football fan.
But working at the post office was like
playing for a football team.
Right before the big game
both wide receivers broke their leg
and a tackle was made receiver.
He ran in the touchdown and
unused to glory, he gloated
and lorded over the team.
That is how lots of people respond to
new authority.
The take the authority and
run it in for a touchdown.
Then they gloat and look down on everyone.
Ciao

10/19/2010 The Older Lady From Nordstroms That Got Picked

2010-10-19T11:26:00.000-07:00

*Dashes in and perches on the edge of the armchair*
Oh, I forgot to tell you why I feel so cheery Mr. Blog!
I woke up remembering an Alaskan Airlines flight attendant
interview that I went to down at the Sea Tac Red Lion Inn
around 1982.
There were hundreds of us well-groomed women in the lobby
and I sat in a circle of ten and we were chatting.
The oldest lady in our group looked to be around forty-five.
She was wearing a classy red and white stripped dress
instead of the obligatory navy blue interview suit
that the rest of us had on.
She was warm and friendly and said she worked at Nordstrom.
At the end of the interviews I noticed that she was one of
the handful that made it to the second round of interviews.
And I thought about her and Nordstroms and why women pay
double to shop there.
It is because of their, "The customer is always right." policy.
And that lady seemed to really represent that kind of background
of excellent customer service.
When I interviewed with the airlines and was rejected
dozens and dozens of times over five years,
I was a mail carrier.
Now a mail carrier is sort of a customer service job
but not like working at Nordstroms and
certainly not working as a flight attendant!
So at this interview,
I get to be the lady from Nordstroms.
The older lady that gets picked
because she knows all about excellent
customer service and how to give it
because I was a FLIGHT ATTENDANT
for eight years!
My pals at Continental used to tease me and call me
Connie Continental because I was so serious about
passing out pillows and blankets and magazines.
The food had to be hot
the drinks had to be cold
and the people had to feel special.
I felt like every flight I worked was my home
and I got so excited for my guests to arrive!
I couldn't wait to see them
and take them on vacation or to work
whatever they needed to do
I was there for them.
So next Tuesday, a week from today
I am going to be that older lady from Nordstroms
and I'm going to get picked!
Ciao!