How My Sweatpants Made Me Fat or How the Fitness Craze of the Eighties Led to the American Obesity of the Nineties and Beyond

*Bounces in merrily*
Hi Mr. Blog! Guess what? I slept ten hours!
Wow, I feel like a million bucks.
So, I'm still holding at 155 pounds but I want to tell you
where I went wrong in the first place.
It took one year to lose ten pounds! Uhg! There is no easy way.
Just chronic suffering and hunger and hatred towards the teens
that can consume 10,000 calories per day and only get taller. Ugh.
So in March 1987, I drove to Houston Texas and moved into the
Sheraton Hotel for flight attendant training.
I had starved myself to 125 pounds by then.
After a few weeks there Terry mailed me an Easter present.
It was a pale purple, two-piece NIKE sweat-suit.
It was woven cotton on the outside and lined with mesh on inside of the jacket.
I hate to wear purple. I associate it with old ladies and won't wear it for any reason.
But I was raised to be gracious and say thank-you for gift.
But you know what Mr. Blog?
I did wear it. All the time. And you know why?
IT HAD AN ELASTIC WAISTBAND AND
I COULD EAT WITHOUT DISCOMFORT!
So I did.
For twenty years.
I gained one pound every year and went out and bought tons
of exercise clothes! ALL WITH ELASTIC WAISTBANDS!
I wasn't the only one Mr. Blog!
Everyone wanted those cute two piece jogging suits!
We would all jog a half hour in the morning and then go home
and watch TV for six hours and eat pizza and chips
because WE HAD ELASTIC WAISTBANDS!!!
So, twenty years later, in 2009, I decided to fight back and
eat less move more. But here are my tips Mr. Blog,
if you want to pass them on.
1. Throw out your clothes with elastic waistbands
2. Buy a calorie counting book
DO NOT USE A COMPUTER PROGRAM! One hour on the puter
equals one pound of lard on your ass.
3. Make a paper or spread sheet of your daily calories
and put it on your fridge and NEVER eat anything
without writing it down.
Losing weight is easy if you want to suffer Mr. Blog
because it is all mathematical!
One pound of fat is 3,500 calories
If you are under 10, you can eat that much and stay the same weight.
If you are over 10, you have to eat half that many to lose 1/4 pound each week.
It's nasty and ugly
but the truth is:
Once you are over fifty and your metabolism stops,
you only get 1,500 calories to stay at the same weight!
Isn't that rude?! I think it is.
So I have been at 1,200 for a year but not consistently.
The trap is, the fatter you are; the less you want to move!
And the harder it is to move!
So, thanks for letting me share that story Mr. Blog.
You da best!