*Drags in and flops down on couch*
Ugh, Mr. Blog.
I feel like a giant sack of flour is pressing on me as I lie here.
I can just visualize that.
The giant bag is pressing harder and harder and I feel bits
of flour on my fingertips when I rub them together.
My head is sideways and the flour dust is getting thicker
and thicker until all I see is white.
My chest and torso and legs are getting flatter and flatter
and I am struggling for air...
Wow Mr. Blog, *gasps raspily* You look so weird sitting
there like a white marble statue, covered in flour.
What do you think I should do Mr. Blog?
*Listens to him*
Well, yes, I knew you would say, "What do you think?"
I think I should just wallow in self-pity.
My ex-friend Arlene Foley told me one time that it is perfectly
acceptable to wallow in self-pity as long as you put a time limit on it.
Like a week or a few days.
But I have kids to take care of so I don't have that luxury
of just staying in bed for days and saying no to living.
So I don't have a full time job.
So I don't have my business going at a very fast pace.
So my husband it totally irritated that I don't contribute to the bills.
So my kids hate me because if they don't do their chores I remove
their electronic X-Box 360 until they shape up.
So my house needs painting and the roof is covered with moss.
So I still have my dead parents stuff in my basement after seven years.
So I'm lonely because everyone has jobs and there is no one to goof off with.
So I lost my business partner because she needed income sooner than later.
So I miss my mom and dad and have been crying a lot lately.
So my linoleum has holes in it with duct tape over them.
So both bathrooms have old basins that are cracked and ugly.
So my clothes are all ten years old and from the thrift store.
So my carpet has a million Kool-Aid stains that won't come out.
So the wood on our deck is old and splintered.
So I don't have a Rebel motorcycle and cute leather clothes
to wear when I ride around on it.
So I don't have a hot tub to ache my soaking ex-femailman body in.
So we have a boat we can't sell sitting in the driveway.
HELP MR. BLOG! I'm suffocating!
*Coughs and gasps for air*
What?! Is there anything right in my life you ask?
*Wheezily answers*
We all have perfect health!!!
Wow, I can breathe again Mr. Blog.
Thanks. You are the best. At least I can breathe again.
The flour sack is still so heavy now but I'll think happy thoughts
and see if I can't bust it open like a bomb.
We own our home.
We live in a fantastic location.
Terry has a job so we get to keep our home.
My kids are smart and popular.
We all enjoy each other and have fun together.
We have lots of nice friends and relatives and neighbors.
It is springtime so the days are getting longer.
We still have Troy's old cat Smokey.
I made a new family at church from strangers.
I get to see Margo tonight and Mimi.
*POW! Flour sack explodes leaving her covered in white and
she sits up and looks over at Mr. Blog and laughs and laughs*
Hahahahaha! Look at us Mr. Blog! We look like
statues! That is the funniest thing I have ever not seen!
Well, I feel so much better.
I think I can jump around with my Jane Fonda tape now
and forget about not getting a sub job today.
I have errands to run and I think I have processed everything
bothering me but boy do I need a shower!
I just hope this flour doesn't stop up my drain 'cause
I don't want even one more glass of whine today!
Cheers!
No comments:
Post a Comment