Oh Mr. Blog.
Will I survive this Christmas?
People keep asking me,
"What about your kids?!"
Well.
I'll tell you what Mr.Blog,
they either don't have a fourteen year old son
or forgot how they were when they did.
Every day I wonder who kidnapped my darling Teddy
and replaced him with this giant, sassy, monster.
The eyes look vaguely familiar
as he cruises through the kitchen
looking for feed.
I tried to ship him off when when he fell asleep last week
but he came back stamped,
"Additional Postage Required."
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
12/20/2010 Pros and Cons of Working on a Cruise Ship
Yikes Mr. Blog!
This job application work ate up ALL
my Christmas card, wrapping and decorating time.
Luckily Terry started vacay today so we can put up
our Christmas tree in a few minutes.
Like every woman in the world,
I have analyzed the pros and cons of my new job
relentlessly and this is my list of Pros so far:
1 No laundry
2 No dirty dishes
3 No cleaning
4 No shopping
5 No cooking
6 No dragging kids to the dentist/orthodontist
7 No reminding kids to do chores
8 No listening to boring post office stories
9 No looking at a house that no one wants to improve/decorate
10 No looking at a yard that looks like a homeless person camp
I don't have any cons so far except that I'll miss
my bed but I might think of some later on.
I guess I really couldn't have legitimate cons until after I'd
been on the ship for five months.
Then I will know what's up with that better.
Ciao!
This job application work ate up ALL
my Christmas card, wrapping and decorating time.
Luckily Terry started vacay today so we can put up
our Christmas tree in a few minutes.
Like every woman in the world,
I have analyzed the pros and cons of my new job
relentlessly and this is my list of Pros so far:
1 No laundry
2 No dirty dishes
3 No cleaning
4 No shopping
5 No cooking
6 No dragging kids to the dentist/orthodontist
7 No reminding kids to do chores
8 No listening to boring post office stories
9 No looking at a house that no one wants to improve/decorate
10 No looking at a yard that looks like a homeless person camp
I don't have any cons so far except that I'll miss
my bed but I might think of some later on.
I guess I really couldn't have legitimate cons until after I'd
been on the ship for five months.
Then I will know what's up with that better.
Ciao!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
12/19/2010 My Top Ten Fears About Working on a Cruise Ship
Good morning Mr. Blog!
I dreamed I was working on the ship
and having a marvelous time.
Hope I don't start dreaming of delivering mail on-board!
So last night as I was falling asleep I was thinking
of my worst fears about my new job and wanted to share
them with you for your analysis. Here they are:
1. I'll fall overboard
2. I won't be able to make a friend
3. I'll get fired in training for making a silly joke
4. I'll be late to work and get fired my first day
5. My supervisor will hate me for being older
6. My cruise director will hate me for being older
7. I'll accidentally walk into the captain and get fired
8. I'll see a wharf rat inside the ship
9. I'll get seasick and sent home
10.I won't get a letter from anyone
Ciao!
I dreamed I was working on the ship
and having a marvelous time.
Hope I don't start dreaming of delivering mail on-board!
So last night as I was falling asleep I was thinking
of my worst fears about my new job and wanted to share
them with you for your analysis. Here they are:
1. I'll fall overboard
2. I won't be able to make a friend
3. I'll get fired in training for making a silly joke
4. I'll be late to work and get fired my first day
5. My supervisor will hate me for being older
6. My cruise director will hate me for being older
7. I'll accidentally walk into the captain and get fired
8. I'll see a wharf rat inside the ship
9. I'll get seasick and sent home
10.I won't get a letter from anyone
Ciao!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
12/18/2010 Coast Guard Physical For Job
Good evening Mr. Blog!
Well!
That was some day yesterday!
As usual I woke up at six and played possum
until seven thirty when Terry left.
Much to my surprise, when I got upstairs
and looked out the window, sissy's roof was solid white.
for a minute I thought it was snow,
then realized it was ice so
I went and peered out the bathroom window
at my thermometer on the front porch and was
shocked to see it was only twenty-eight degrees out.
I had to hustle my bustle to get ready
and decided to start my van before my shower
to thaw it out.
Mummy's wheelchair ramp was like a ski slope
so I was extra careful sliding down the ramps.
I decided that breaking a leg on the way to the doctor's
appointment would add too much excitement to my day!
The door was frozen shut, but after much tugging I
got it open and the motor started.
I dressed in thin,
royal blue with white-dotted batiked summer pants and top
and added a gray wool blazer
with my little white penny loafers.
Terrible outfit.
Luckily the fashion police weren't across the street at Starbucks!
I fetched Brenny at Joan's in Wedgewood and cruised over
70th to Roosevelt and vaguely remembered it turned into
Westlake. For someone born in Seattle
it is hard to remember where anything is anymore
and only a few of my old landmarks remain
from the sixties and seventies.
Brenny was cranky as all get out
and if I looked bad, she looked worse!
Thank God we didn't run into anyone we knew!
We looked like two crazy old ladies that had
put everything from Goodwill in a blender
then dressed in the dark.
Brenda spotted Denny Way and we found the
US Medical clinic and parked and it was then
that I noticed it was sunny out.
We went in and I got my twenty-five pages of
Coast Guard medical forms
and almost left then and there.
It looked too big to me but
I couldn't wimp out after
I dragged Brenny along for confidence.
She began her tired chatter and I tried
desperately to tune her out and concentrate
and just when I was thinking I MIGHT have to
ask my best friend of thirty-seven years to step out,
she got up and said she needed to find a mailbox!
Whew.
Close one.
I wrote answers and marked the one hundred boxes
at top speed and finished in a half hour and Jared
checked to make sure I filled in everything.
The nice man helping me in the back
didn't have on a name tag and
didn't introduce himself so I just did whatever I was told
starting with the urine sample.
Well, that didn't work out because I seemed low on that account
after being totally stunned to see a toilet with six chains
around the top and duct tape over the paper towel holder.
He told me to drink loads of water and I told him that
he needed to weigh me first!
He refused and I knew I couldn't punch him
without jeopardizing my new career but
every woman knows a half gallon of water
weighs four pounds!
He put me on the scale and I weighed one hundred and fifty-five
pounds which would have been fine if I hadn't fibbed
about my weight and wrote one forty-five
when I was really one-fifty!
I didn't think I'd get a physical for
at least two weeks!
I will cry if they don't take me for being a big
Fibbermagee. I'm so honest about everything else!
I argued with him to take off eight pounds for the water
and heavy winter clothes but he would not
budge one inch.
Easy for him.
He HAS a job.
Once I gave up arguing I decided to make the best
of it and it turns out he had been on LOADS of
cruises and told me all kinds of interesting
facts about being on a ship.
I was so happy listening to his cruise stories
that I forgot I was even at the doctor.
My blood pressure, vision and hearing were fine
and he turned me over to the nice young woman doctor.
I immediately tried to talk her into changing my weight
because of my dreadful water intake situation.
She told me my BMI was 28 and lower than hers
so not to worry about it.
Easy for her, she HAS a job.
She had me do some odd range of motion movements
and when she finished
I asked her what she thought
and she said, "I'm passing you."
I nearly fainted right there on the table!
All over the top of all the forms were places
for the doctor to mark, Fit For Duty and
Not Fit For Duty.
I was SO relieved, I can't tell you!
So I thanked her and she left and my darling
unnamed man came back and took a gallon of blood
and sent me back to the chained up toilet for
another go at it.
He looked at me with concern and when he handed me the cup
he marked it with a line and told me
that was how much was needed.
Talk about pressure!
I got back and he had the two Coast Guard UA
vials on the little counter in the hall
and I held my breath as he filled up the first one
and then the second one.
It went EXACTLY to the mark
and I exhaled with a whoosh and he said,
"That was close."
I thanked him and smelled cinnamon rolls baking
in the clinic and went back to the front desk
where Diana helped me call Miami with my sample number.
Camille at the Miami clinic was so cheerful
that I wished her a happy holiday and went
to find my Brenny.
It looked like the most glorious sunniest day
in Seattle history as I strolled merrily to my
mini-van.
Brenny came walking up and I told her I was starving
to death. I craved going to a little cafe out of the
big city but she asked if I wanted to eat at her
very favorite place two blocks away.
I DID not want to but I kept my lips sealed
and thought to myself,
"There is no one else in the world that would
give up a half day to go to a clinic when they
are exhausted and worn out from family holiday
shenanigans, except my Brenny."
I pulled my great big Brownie smile out of my pocket
and walked over to her and looped my arm through
hers and said,
"I'd be delighted."
Ciao!
Well!
That was some day yesterday!
As usual I woke up at six and played possum
until seven thirty when Terry left.
Much to my surprise, when I got upstairs
and looked out the window, sissy's roof was solid white.
for a minute I thought it was snow,
then realized it was ice so
I went and peered out the bathroom window
at my thermometer on the front porch and was
shocked to see it was only twenty-eight degrees out.
I had to hustle my bustle to get ready
and decided to start my van before my shower
to thaw it out.
Mummy's wheelchair ramp was like a ski slope
so I was extra careful sliding down the ramps.
I decided that breaking a leg on the way to the doctor's
appointment would add too much excitement to my day!
The door was frozen shut, but after much tugging I
got it open and the motor started.
I dressed in thin,
royal blue with white-dotted batiked summer pants and top
and added a gray wool blazer
with my little white penny loafers.
Terrible outfit.
Luckily the fashion police weren't across the street at Starbucks!
I fetched Brenny at Joan's in Wedgewood and cruised over
70th to Roosevelt and vaguely remembered it turned into
Westlake. For someone born in Seattle
it is hard to remember where anything is anymore
and only a few of my old landmarks remain
from the sixties and seventies.
Brenny was cranky as all get out
and if I looked bad, she looked worse!
Thank God we didn't run into anyone we knew!
We looked like two crazy old ladies that had
put everything from Goodwill in a blender
then dressed in the dark.
Brenda spotted Denny Way and we found the
US Medical clinic and parked and it was then
that I noticed it was sunny out.
We went in and I got my twenty-five pages of
Coast Guard medical forms
and almost left then and there.
It looked too big to me but
I couldn't wimp out after
I dragged Brenny along for confidence.
She began her tired chatter and I tried
desperately to tune her out and concentrate
and just when I was thinking I MIGHT have to
ask my best friend of thirty-seven years to step out,
she got up and said she needed to find a mailbox!
Whew.
Close one.
I wrote answers and marked the one hundred boxes
at top speed and finished in a half hour and Jared
checked to make sure I filled in everything.
The nice man helping me in the back
didn't have on a name tag and
didn't introduce himself so I just did whatever I was told
starting with the urine sample.
Well, that didn't work out because I seemed low on that account
after being totally stunned to see a toilet with six chains
around the top and duct tape over the paper towel holder.
He told me to drink loads of water and I told him that
he needed to weigh me first!
He refused and I knew I couldn't punch him
without jeopardizing my new career but
every woman knows a half gallon of water
weighs four pounds!
He put me on the scale and I weighed one hundred and fifty-five
pounds which would have been fine if I hadn't fibbed
about my weight and wrote one forty-five
when I was really one-fifty!
I didn't think I'd get a physical for
at least two weeks!
I will cry if they don't take me for being a big
Fibbermagee. I'm so honest about everything else!
I argued with him to take off eight pounds for the water
and heavy winter clothes but he would not
budge one inch.
Easy for him.
He HAS a job.
Once I gave up arguing I decided to make the best
of it and it turns out he had been on LOADS of
cruises and told me all kinds of interesting
facts about being on a ship.
I was so happy listening to his cruise stories
that I forgot I was even at the doctor.
My blood pressure, vision and hearing were fine
and he turned me over to the nice young woman doctor.
I immediately tried to talk her into changing my weight
because of my dreadful water intake situation.
She told me my BMI was 28 and lower than hers
so not to worry about it.
Easy for her, she HAS a job.
She had me do some odd range of motion movements
and when she finished
I asked her what she thought
and she said, "I'm passing you."
I nearly fainted right there on the table!
All over the top of all the forms were places
for the doctor to mark, Fit For Duty and
Not Fit For Duty.
I was SO relieved, I can't tell you!
So I thanked her and she left and my darling
unnamed man came back and took a gallon of blood
and sent me back to the chained up toilet for
another go at it.
He looked at me with concern and when he handed me the cup
he marked it with a line and told me
that was how much was needed.
Talk about pressure!
I got back and he had the two Coast Guard UA
vials on the little counter in the hall
and I held my breath as he filled up the first one
and then the second one.
It went EXACTLY to the mark
and I exhaled with a whoosh and he said,
"That was close."
I thanked him and smelled cinnamon rolls baking
in the clinic and went back to the front desk
where Diana helped me call Miami with my sample number.
Camille at the Miami clinic was so cheerful
that I wished her a happy holiday and went
to find my Brenny.
It looked like the most glorious sunniest day
in Seattle history as I strolled merrily to my
mini-van.
Brenny came walking up and I told her I was starving
to death. I craved going to a little cafe out of the
big city but she asked if I wanted to eat at her
very favorite place two blocks away.
I DID not want to but I kept my lips sealed
and thought to myself,
"There is no one else in the world that would
give up a half day to go to a clinic when they
are exhausted and worn out from family holiday
shenanigans, except my Brenny."
I pulled my great big Brownie smile out of my pocket
and walked over to her and looped my arm through
hers and said,
"I'd be delighted."
Ciao!
Friday, December 17, 2010
12/17/2010 I'm So Nervous!
I'm so nervous Mr. Blog!
I'm in tip top shape
but what if I have some
weird illness or health problem
that comes out in this
Coast Guard medical exam?
There is so much riding on this
one little hour long exam.
All the classroom teaching jobs
have got warm bodies in them for
this school year
and if I can snag this job
I'll be able to pay off every single
Nixpix business start up cost.
Then on to Gin Latin!
I just have to remember to breathe
which sounds easy,
but when I'm really nervous
I tend to hold my breath.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Just gotta remind myself!
Ciao.
I'm in tip top shape
but what if I have some
weird illness or health problem
that comes out in this
Coast Guard medical exam?
There is so much riding on this
one little hour long exam.
All the classroom teaching jobs
have got warm bodies in them for
this school year
and if I can snag this job
I'll be able to pay off every single
Nixpix business start up cost.
Then on to Gin Latin!
I just have to remember to breathe
which sounds easy,
but when I'm really nervous
I tend to hold my breath.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Just gotta remind myself!
Ciao.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
12/16/2010 The Lady Who Was a Mailman, Flight Attendant, Schoolteacher, Then Decided to Work on a Cruise Ship
Oh Mr. Blog,
I am so tense.
It took all day to download and scan
and send another batch of forms to Miami.
She processed the twelve pages I faxed her
yesterday already!
So I'm scheduled for my Coast Guard physical
tomorrow and I'm worried sick.
Lifting forty pounds seems heavier to me at fifty-four
than it did at my post office test in 1977
when I was twenty.
So, all my jobs have had ups and downs.
I can tell you more in a few decades
when my kids are older.
Don't want to scar them with
crazy postal worker stories
or saucy airline stories
or eye-opening teaching stories.
Right now I have my eye on the prize:
Five months on The Pride of America cruise ship
circling the Hawaiian islands.
It's a dirty job,
but somebody's got to do it.
Ciao!
I am so tense.
It took all day to download and scan
and send another batch of forms to Miami.
She processed the twelve pages I faxed her
yesterday already!
So I'm scheduled for my Coast Guard physical
tomorrow and I'm worried sick.
Lifting forty pounds seems heavier to me at fifty-four
than it did at my post office test in 1977
when I was twenty.
So, all my jobs have had ups and downs.
I can tell you more in a few decades
when my kids are older.
Don't want to scar them with
crazy postal worker stories
or saucy airline stories
or eye-opening teaching stories.
Right now I have my eye on the prize:
Five months on The Pride of America cruise ship
circling the Hawaiian islands.
It's a dirty job,
but somebody's got to do it.
Ciao!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
12/15/2010 My Limp Noodles Are Barking
Oh Mr. Blog.
Ouchy, ouchy, ouchy.
I have started preparing for the Coast Guard
medical exam and training and
my limp noodles are barking.
Connie called and when I filled her in
she suggested I increase my arm weights
when I do my aerobic exercises.
I increased from three to five pound barbells.
Ouchy on the armsies.
I can barely lift my arms now, see?
*arms dangle down limply*
At least I finished the first batch of
what seems like a zillion forms.
I will get them notarized and faxed off tomorrow.
I was hoping to finish my Christmas cards but
now I can't lift my noodles to address the envelopes!
Ciao.
Ouchy, ouchy, ouchy.
I have started preparing for the Coast Guard
medical exam and training and
my limp noodles are barking.
Connie called and when I filled her in
she suggested I increase my arm weights
when I do my aerobic exercises.
I increased from three to five pound barbells.
Ouchy on the armsies.
I can barely lift my arms now, see?
*arms dangle down limply*
At least I finished the first batch of
what seems like a zillion forms.
I will get them notarized and faxed off tomorrow.
I was hoping to finish my Christmas cards but
now I can't lift my noodles to address the envelopes!
Ciao.
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