9/27/2010 The Bad Dancer

*Walks in jauntily and plops on couch*
Ahhh, Mr. Blog.
How are you today?
Well, I was certainly a naughty kitten last night.
After a lovely dinner at Goutback Steakhouse
we watched a movie I found at the Pawnshop called,
'So I Married an Axe Murderer.'
It was hysterical and Teddy watched it with us.
Then I hopped in bed and finished the entire second half
of 'Quentins' by Maeve Binchy.
It was so awesome because she had all the old characters
from 'Tara Road', 'The Scarlet Feather' and 'The Evening Class.'
You know, if Holland America would hire me as a librarian
I could VERY EASILY lead the book discussions.
I did it when I was subbing in English up at
Shorecrest High School.
So it took me until two AM to finish
which means I am two hours behind for my Monday chores.
My floors. Not easy since my vacuum cleaner died then the
old one Faithy gave me died last week too.
Ugh. Vacuuming with an electric broom takes FOREVER.
Funny when I carried mail for the post office from '78 to '87
that I thought my friends home with kids and housework had it easy.
No wonder all the moms in the fifties drank vodka all day!
Motherhood and housework are the most thankless
jobs in the world!
So I had forgotten all about the time I told you about
yesterday, when Terry and I were dancing all night
at the Kalaloch parachute party
and when I went to bed I remembered why!
He is the worst dancer you ever saw!
He gets his viewing of 'Saturday Night Fever'
mixed up with his basketball moves
and it is the most hideous thing
you ever saw in your life!
Now, you know I don't drink much
if at all, but I need to knock back a few
to been seen with him on a dance floor.
Funny thing is, I love to dance!
I remember in Holly Park housing project
in 1959, our black teenage babysitters
would teach us all the latest dances.
The radio stations had started to play
something that was called Rock and Roll.
They told us to move to the music
and let the music move us.
They delighted that at three and four
I could mimic all their moves so well
and it made them laugh.
Obviously my darling muppet of a husband
has never learned to move to the music.
It's like watching Larry Bird and Arthur Murray
in after a splice job.
Terrible.
Awful.
Scar you for life.
So we danced at our wedding, at Kalaloch
and at Marta's fiftieth birthday party three years ago
and that's it.
Because it's just not fun dancing with
The Bad Dancer.

9/26/2010 The Wedding Anniversary

*Skips in merrily and plops on couch*
Good afternoon Mr. Blog,
how are you today?
So today is our 18th Wedding anniversary
and I know I'm always whining about Terry
so today I'll let you what I do like about him:
1 He's kind
2 He's compassionate
3 He's funny
4 He's generous (sometimes)
5 He looks like a serial killer so no one
bothers me when I'm with him
6 He let's me do whatever I want
without asking questions
7 He lets me win at basketball
8 He lets me plan on any vacation I want and
then goes with me and pays for it
9 He looks like a giant muppet when sitting so if
I have earplugs in I can listen to him blather on for hours
10 He goes to work every day so I don't
have to live in a card board box
I guess those are the main things Mr. Blog.
At least I found a man without the BIG FOUR addictions:
Booze, drugs, gambling and cheating
and that is not as easy as it sounds.
I just got home from church and guess what?!
My pew-buddy Mary is going on a Holland America
cruise the last week of April
out of Fort Lauderdale through the Panama Canal.
I am SO going to bid to work her cruise!
I know lots of people from the Bothell senior center
from carrying mail out of Bothell for ten years
and from church and stuff
so it would be funner than fun to work the trip
they are going on!
I'm pretty excited about it and I'm going to print
her trip up and study it tomorrow.
I found a kid that does home repairs to come
fix my printer tomorrow for cheap.
I am very mechanical but when I called one repair
place and asked if I could do it myself
he told me there were many computerized features
inside to watch out for.
I decided to let the professional take care of it.
God I hope Troy's grades hold until he fixes it tomorrow!
Straight As in the three classes posted is phenomenal for him
and I can't wait to print the grade sheet to show Terry.
We just love our little baby to pieces
even if he is over six feet tall now.
So you wouldn't have believed the
Bothell United Methodist Church choir this morning!
I was a little late and snuck in as the kids were
leaving for Sunday school
right before the choir started.
I forget the song but Nola was playing the piano
and my room mate from the women's retreat, Jeanne,
was playing the trombone!
She is obviously the most talented musician on the planet!
I got big tears in my eyes because it sounded like
heaven.
I could see myself climbing the stairs to the Pearly Gates
and they were all above on the higher clouds singing
and playing
and I was so filled with joy that
I'd get to see my mom and dad
and all my aunts and uncles
and cousin Steve
and Patty Boyle and Val and Leslie Clark and other high school pals
that can't go to the reunions
because they are in heaven waiting for us.
It was a very emotional time for me this morning.
After the song my pal Mary whispered to me
that she played trombone in high school in
North Dakota and was not very good at it
and in the winter at a football game
she was marching around
and it was so cold her slide froze up!
Hahahaha. It was so hard not to laugh
during the joys and concerns when she told me that.
Troy gave me a dollar and I went to the Kenmore Dollar Tree
and found an anniversary card for Terry and
his favorite candy bar. Milk chocolate with caramel
inside.
The card had a pale blue blank bottom
with a couple on the beach holding hands at the top.
I found the picture of us together at Mammoth Hot Springs
and cut and taped it perfectly to the bottom of the card
and inside after the pre-printed stuff
I wrote, "All my best and worst times have been with you."
It was 100F at the hot springs and we hiked up
the mountain at least 1,000 stairs to see
a mud puddle sized hot pool.
We laughed and laughed afterwards.
We also nearly got drowned at Tofino in 1987 in the
canoe when the afternoon tides came up and we
didn't have life jackets and we had paddled ten miles
from the town.
Then one time off Orcas Island's Beach Haven
resort we paddled around a cliff
and a tanker went by
and we got stuck in a kelp bed and the waves
we pushing us near the rocks to die.
Terry kept yelling, "Steer around the kelp!"
That was in '88 and we still say it
when we need to avoid anything dangerous.
So Terry and I have had so many wild adventures
on vacation together than I can count.
One time when Kalaloch campground was full in '89
we went and camped in my old truck at the South Beach
parking lot.
We went on a late beach walk and saw these lights
a few miles up the beach and you'll never believe what we saw.
Some people had put up a giant parachute roof and gotten
electricity down to the tent thing
and had a live rock-n-roll band
with giant speakers and a bar
and everything!
We had drinks and danced all night with these
people we had never met before.
Man, the adventures I've had with
Terry.
See you later.
We are going up to the Bothell
Outback Steakhouse for dinner soon.
I sure miss the Kenmore Keg and
Clifford's restaurants
but who knows,
maybe someday someone will take that
skanky Cozy Inn tavern and put in a nice
restaurant with a view again.
It's a great spot over-looking Lake Washington
and Kenmore Air Harbor
and there are always lots of boats and planes
and eagles to watch from there.
Have a nice day Mr. Blog.

9/25/2010 Yo-Yo Girl

*Skips in merrily*
Ahhhhh....Mr. Blog!
Can you tell I had a little
nappy zappy?
I feel like a million bucks tonight.
Patty showed up right after my nap
and we went across the street to Starbucks
and had coffee in the blazing sun for two hours!
She had awesome job-hunting stories to entertain me with
and we just sat and talked and laughed
and it was wonderful.
When she took off
I decided to use my good cheer and have a nice
productive fantasy!
I got out my little notebook
and laptop and wrote down the names
and passenger and crew counts of all the
Holland America ships.
Then I looked at all the cruises I want to work,
which of course is ALL OF THEM!
Just need to get my foot in the door.
That's all.
Well, I'm off to read my latest Maeve Binchy book,
'Quintens.'
I finished, 'The Evening Class' last night
and was wondering how on earth she can keep the backstories
straight for that many characters!
She must have an IQ of 160!
I really enjoyed that book so much
AND it had a happy ending.
Not all of hers do
and I can get really rattled
by the last minute
affairs and divorces and deaths.
The ending of Tara Road still upsets me.
But everyone is showing up in Quentins
so maybe Ria finally finds true love.
Ciao!

9/24/2010 The Most Rejected Job Seeker in America

*Walks in dejectedly and falls on couch*
Oh Mr. Blog!
I didn't think you'd EVER get back from vacation.
I have been up and down like a yoyo.
Like Brenda says, "I'm yoyo girl."
We love to match!
I got so excited when my passport came last Friday!
It looked so awesome and
all official and patriotic
and I had a notion
that when I called Holland America
that they would say,
"Our librarian called in sick.
Can you go next Friday for her for seventy days?"
Hahaha. I'm such a dreamer Mr. Blog.
I snail mailed them an updated resume
and letters of recommendations and pictures.
The man did say that he would give all the information
to the HAL Club hiring manager
when she comes back from vacation next week.
So I went around the house and collected samples
of arts and crafts that I have taught either as a
substitute teacher or scout leader
and put them all in a box
and made a set of Russian Nesting dolls
out of paper mache.
Just in case I get an interview.
But you know what?
The Holland America Grand Voyage leaves today at 5:00PM.
It's only 9:30AM now, so if they call I can still make it.
Hahaha.
I'm such an optimist!
At least I have a really cool passport and
passport card.
Even if I'm not going anywhere.
So last night I got my first job offer of the 500 jobs I
have applied for this summer and fall.
It is to pull tickets for four hours at Husky football games
starting next month. It pays $8.00 an hour
which is minimum wage.
If I want it, I need to go to Lake City Way
to their offices to fill out forms and get screened.
I was pretty excited until Terry came home and said,
"One day a week? That isn't worth your time."
Well, I don't know about that Mr. Blog.
I think it sounds kinda fun.
I'm not a big football fan
but I do like and watch Husky football.
Both my parents went to the UW
and my Grandma Ringstrom worked there in the
registrar's office
and my cousins Steve, Larry, Debbie and Elizabeth
all graduated from there.
And I graduated from there in 2000!
Plus my mom LOVED husky football
and it makes me think of her warmly.
I have a few days to decide.
So I added two new school districts to my job hunt
this year; Edmonds and Lake Washington.
And I have added three search engines:
Craig's List, Monsterjobs.com and snagajob.com.
The only problem with applying for so many jobs is
that I now get rejected for hundreds of jobs
instead of a few dozen.
Good thing I have thick skin.
Applying to be a flight attendant for five years
was good practice since I got rejected
dozens and dozens of times until I got hired.
I have been working really hard to get hired
by Holland America Lines or HAL for short.
I took new First Aid and CPR class at the firehouse,
and got a new food handlers permit up in Edmonds
and went to Margo's Wednesday to learn the
PC VISTA and photo/movie making program.
I also have been doing my Jane Fonda tape
every day and limiting my calories to under 1,000 a day.
I got my hair done and I'm keeping nail strengthener on my nails
and I have been memorizing the information about the company.
They have a wonderful video of their mission statement that
I watch over and over again and the CEO and president,
Stern Kruse says, "We don't just do things right,
we do the right things."
He is talking about their programs like the deck walks
for the RACE FOR THE CURE, the volunteering staff does,
the high standards for recycling and lowering emissions
for the ships, the whale avoidance training for crew
and you would not believe the list of charities they
support right here in Seattle.
It's a mile long.
I know I have told you all this before
but I really want to work for them.
I like people
and I like hear their stories.
I like to serve people.
It makes me feel good to bring good cheer
to other people.
I love to make people laugh.
People sound so funny and endearing when they laugh.
So, at this point,
I think I may have been passed over for more jobs
than any other person in America.
I wonder if President Obama will
give me a trophy for trying so hard.
Just a little one
engraved with,
"Most Rejected Job Seeker in America."

9/9/2010 My Best Friend is Like Air For Me

*Skips in and lies down slowly on her leather couch*
How funny I left without telling you anything Mr. Blog.
Aren't people strange?
Well, if it wasn't for Brenda June Vanderhoff
I don't think I could exist.
She is the only person on the planet that,
"Gets me."
Some days I couldn't go on if she wasn't on the
planet breathing.
I am so taking her on a cruise when I get my new job.
When it is time to die and go see Jesus in heaven
she is the person I will miss the most
right after
my husband, Troy and Teddy.
That's all I have to say about that.

9/3/2010 If You Spanked My Spanx, You Would Break Your Hand!

After I applied for a cruise ship job,
I panicked about my figure or lack of thereof.
So Brenny and I dashed to Alderwood Mall
Nordstroms for my first Spanx.
I drove because you'd think she was from
Ballard not Greenlake if you got in a car with her.
I was so excited because I had heard my young
friends in their forties talking about them!
One thing men never know from experience
is how fattening being a wife and mother is!
Totally brutal to see Terry and the kids eating 10,000
calories a day and never gaining weight.
So we got to Nordstroms and met the most wonderful saleslady in the world.
Her name was Kathy Lauterbach and she was warm, friendly
and very knowledgeable.
Plus she didn't look like she was getting ready to dash off
to a disco like some of the younger salesladies do.
So I told her I wanted a Spanx
and she knew (probably from looking at me)
exactly what I needed!
I was very excited until I tried on what she gave me.
My Spanx could not cope
and rolled right down my back!!!
So Kathy brought me a shorter Spanx and if you
spanked my Spanx you would have broken your hand!
You could have flicked a quarter against my butt
and had a twenty foot rebound.
Seriously.
Well it turns out that Spanx does not make a product
quite generous enough for my well-rounded body
and I felt so dejected.
After pouring my copious self unsuccessfully
into several Spanx,
I appreciated Brenny not laughing at me.
Or worse yet scolding me for being the pig God made me.
Luckily, Kathy knew right what to do!
She told me that there was a product she used occasionally
from a company that has been around forever
that might be just right for me.
And it was!
She brought me a TC brand
EVEN MORE pantie.
And was it even more wonderful than anything I could hope for.
So I bought that and call it my Spanx even though it's not
because Spanx is such a cute name.
Brenny looked so relieved that I was happy
because she knows how much I want a cruise ship job.
You have to look presentable when you are working with the public.
She bought me lunch at the food court
where I made a terrible pig of myself
because I was armed with my Spanx-like product
in my la-dee-da silver Nordstrom shopping bag
with its sturdy twine handle.
Bren naturally ordered the Japanese curried vegetable platter
while I ordered everything they could deep fry in batter.
Ummm, tempura. Yet permura on your booty.
After lunch our crankiness subsided and we were ready
for one more round of earring shopping.
But that's another story.

9/1/2010 The Convertible, Amphibious Boeing 727

This dream was a doozy!
It was SO REAL!
Listen to this story and tell me what you think.
I was working a flight for Continental out of Cleveland Hopkins airport,
which I often did in the early 90s.
We took off after lunch and arrived over California at sunset.
As we came down through the puffy decidious trees
I was thinking that the captain had the plane way too low because we were
cruising around five hundred feet then fifty though the leafy branches!
I was standing in the aisle looking out the windows at the branches.
I closed my eyes because I thought we were going to crash
and when I opened them I had the biggest thrill!
The plane, an old, skanky 727, had been modified into a convertible!
I was standing above the passengers and we were going really slow,
like around twenty knots!
I was smiling like crazy because
it was awesome cool!
The plane had been customized so that the fuselage stopped at
shoulder height for the passengers that were seated
which meant it was at waist height for me as I stood the aisle.
We came out of the trees at about twenty feet
above the Pacific Ocean and the pilots gingerly
landed us on the water but
increased the speed up a bit to thirty knots and gradually lowered us to
about ten knots.
Oh my God Mr. Blog!
You should have seen the gorgeous coastline of bright orange gentle hills
rising above the ocean!
It was by far the most spectacular thing I have ever
seen in my life.
I was so happy.
I was standing up still for landing because the speed was low enough
that I didn't need to get in my jumpseat.
We just gently went along the coast for a half hour until the hill
had some old stone steps we could see.
We were too close to the edge of the hill to see what was on top.
All the passengers
then the crew deplaned and Brenda was there.
She got off last and went up the steps
and then on the sloping orange hill in her white wedding dress
and I yelled, "Wait! I want to take your picture!"
She turned and did some poses with her arms outreached
and I took two pictures
and then realized everyone was gone up the steps!
I grabbed my Travelpro bag and had a terrible time climbing out
on the watery stone steps.
After climbing up them
I came to our hotel
which looked a lot like
a cross between the hotel in the movie, "Moma Mia"
and a miniature Hogwarts castle.
It was so awesome Mr. Blog,
I wish you could have seen it.
When I arrive at the dark brown antique counter
to check in, the clerk tells me the hotel
was short rooms so the rest of the crew got
sent to a regular hotel down the road.
I tell the clerk I'm really tired from working the long flight
and he says I can stay in the hotel but all they have left is
a turret room.
I go upstairs and into the turret room
and my mouth falls open.
It is covered in old tapestries
and has an old gray stone floor.
I walk to the windows and look out.
The room is hanging slightly over the ocean
so when I look North,
I see the gorgeous California
coastline at sunset.
It is dry hills that soak up the oranges and then reds
and I can't believe the beauty.
The room is octagonal and about
three hundred square feet and it
seems too big for me.
I go back to the front desk and ask if they
have anything smaller.
They say they have a mini-turret I can look at.
I walk up a small stair case into
a little turret room
but it is all modern looking with smoked
glass windows, like a tiny modern hotel room
so I go back and say I'll keep my room.
I go back to my wonderful turret room
and start worrying about missing
the crew in the morning for working
the outbound flight.
Then I woke up.
What do you make of that Mr. Blog?
*Looks at him*
When Brenda called she said that it is a
sign that the cruise ship is going to hire me.
I just laughed because I'm probably
a few decades too old to be a new hire for them too.
But you know what I would do if I could Mr. Blog?
This is if I had the cash.
I'd pop down to Arizona where they have the plane bone yard
and buy myself all the 727s they have.
Then I'd have them converted into amphibious convertibles
and have the engines modified so they didn't pollute the air
and I'd start Gretch Air airlines.
I'd hire all the jobless people in the world
so everyone could have a job
and a home.